The Chips Funga Phenomenon

Makmende doesn’t chips funga; he eats at the counter.

That was one of my best lines during the Makmende craze. If you are a Kenyan and haven’t heard of chips funga; then you are a gone case. Not the chips funga, but chips funga. Let me try and elaborate.

To chips funga comes from the words: chips takeaway. You know when you go to a fast food, and you don’t want to eat there and then, so you ask for takeaway to go eat at home. In Kiswahile/Sheng, chips funga. So to chips funga means, in simple terms, to take someone home for the night. Quite possibly a stranger, and no, not to give them shelter, but to have ‘hot’ random sex and then walk away.

I know some friends of mine who have been chipoed (chipoed is the past participle of ‘to chips’), and they know that the person taking them home is only interested in the one night stand and that’s it. You only exchange numbers if the sex was good and you want to do a repeat. No emotions are supposed to be involved.

Most people are chipoed at the club. I mean, no one in their right senses will take a stranger home unless their inhibitions are lowered by liberal amounts of alcohol and a twinge of loneliness (I think.) Some chips funga their friends/acquitances, some total strangers they just met. Chipoing a stranger is dangerous business, though have been warned. They could be Onyanchas in the making. (Google him, or click on that link and don’t ask me questions 😉 )

Chipoes (those who have been chipoed) are not supposed to sleep over…but if they do, they should not expect breakfast in bed. In fact, when the one who fungad them wakes up, they should have left. However, there are special cases of chips funga: (Thanks to @switcheeks for some of these categories!)

Regular: this is your fallback, friend with benefits guy/girl. If you aren’t lucky that night..you’ll call them and you be sure to get some. Sometimes they can come over for the weekend, and on Sunday evening, you’ll be ‘giving them a push’ to the stage so they can take the bus home.

Corporate funga: this is chips funga that occurs during the weekday.

Sausage/kebab funga: this is when guy is the one being chipoed. *symbolism in sausage/kebab? which symbolism?*

Chips funga is closely related to the walk of shame; the morning after when you- the chipo- is leaving with yesterday’s clothes hoping you don’t meet anyone who saw you in the same clothes. This can be avoided by carrying one of those big bags that contain everything: including a change of clothes. Switcheeks called them Chips Funga bags/ Fornication bags.

The fornication bag

Have you ever been chipoed? Would you rather eat at the counter? (Whatever this may mean.)

P.S. This was added later. I was corrected that Chips Funga can occur even in sober situations. What? People got to eat too…even if they don’t drink! Read the comment by Shiko_Msa

Mr. and Miss University, Kenya

I was walking around in town, like I have been doing these days, bumping into schoolmates, celebrities, my fans, etc. This Wednesday, I met our Miss University, the reigning beauty queen (as the cliches put it), in a hurry. She tells me she’s just from an interview with Ghetto Radio. To be a presenter, I ask? No, as our representative for the Miss University to be held at Carnivore this Saturday the 26th of June.

I told her I’d blog about it, so here I am. Then someone tweeted a link (@Amasy, I think) to the website where they have these pictures of the contestants and you can vote for them. Here it is.

I couldn’t find her picture though…so this picture from Miss JKUAT 2008 where she was a contestant will have to do. She is at the right-most of the picture So if you have no plot on Saturday night…there you are.

Miss jkuat contestants.. Maria, the reigning queen, is at the right most.

Wamathai Spoken Word

Venue: Secrets Lounge, View Park Towers, Downtown Nairobi
Date: 30 June 2010
Time: 7:00P.M. – 9:30P.M.
Charges: Kshs. 100

Born in June 2009 as wamathai.blogspot.com, Wamathai.com started as a space for author Wamathai Warugongo to exercise his creative juices. Eventually, other authors joined the founder and started submitting original Kenyan poetry and short stories. Wamathai.com has since its humble beginnings crossed the 10,000 unique visitors mark. The site, now with 20 authors, is one of the few spaces on the Internet one can find a unique blend of fresh and exciting writing from Kenya from several creative genres.

Wamathai is turning 1 year old and will be hosting a celebration with its authors and several invited guests who will be performing some of the most popular pieces of poetry and creative writing. This will be happening at the Secrets Lounge in View Park towers in downtown Nairobi. Special guests to this event include popular afro fusion singer Dela , TV presenter and blogger Anyiko Owoko, Michael Kwambo from the highly respected poetry collective Mstari Wa Nne, Recording & Spoken Word Artist Jemedari, Spoken word artists Wanjeri Gakuru, Kevin Gachuma, Wanjiku Mwaurah and many more.

Live music for this celebration will be provided by Mizizi the band.

the flier

Football Is Gay, The World Cup and What Not

I know the world cup is here, and am yet to write a post on it. But I finally caved to the pressure..I have watched about 5 matches so far, and have come to the obvious conclusion…which has been said already; football is gay.

Kaka getting red-carded in the dying minutes of the game

The last match I watched was between Brazil and Ivory Coast last night. I was supporting Ivory Coast; for the obvious reasons. No, not Didier Drogba, that arrogant, sexually attractive, Chelsea player. Because it’s an African team…

There is this conspiracy that we unraveled. Have you noticed all these non-African coaches? They are out to make sure we don’t qualify. Japan have a Japanese coach. Koreans have Koreanese coaches. These foreign coaches will be the death of African football.

Notice if you don’t follow the World Cup, you may not be getting much information from here. But you can learn this: the only team that has any chance of going past the group stages is Ghana. The rest can start packing their bags. But to console yourself, England will be packing its bags too!

So to go back to football being gay. In that match…when Elano scored that last goal for Brazil, him and Kaka ran towards each other (in slo-mo), picture it….eager to throw their arms around each other, closing their eyes in the embrace.

And what about when Drogba scored that consolation goal? He ran towards his team mates, and the slomo-showed him with eyes closed in emotion, his face buried deep in his team mate’s neck.

Nothing gayer than that!

That being said, I hope Netherlands win this one.

The Young Writers Project

When I first saw the announcement in the newspaper, I decided not to apply because of the twice-a-week trips to town it would involve, because it was conflicting with my class schedule. However, when Chiira retweted it, saying it was too good an opportunity to miss, I decided to apply.

That was how I found myself asking why I write….

Why I write

Luckily for me, I already had a short story written somewhere, so I sent it and what do you know, they called me up.

I was with some tweeps that Sunday @Kirembu, @cdohnio and @wamathai and they were the first to hear the good news. Let’s hope my fiction writing career will pick up. Am yet to write that award-winning novel.

On Friday, I attended my first class…and what do you know? I had forgotten basic grammar..proper nouns, (improper ones too?), transitive verbs and so on. In the streets later, who do I meet in the paths? That guy who acts as the Deputy in Tahidi High. I took a picture with him.

The Tahidi High Deputy

Now Blogging at Sikika

Here is a link to my new blog

You can get the feeds from the blog on the left.

The Shepherd, A Christian Paper

This is my first newspaper review. Actually, my first review anything. Do people review newspapers? I am digressing. After reading about John Kiriamiti’s paper here, I became interested and when I saw it on the stands, I got myself a copy. John Kiriamiti is the guy who created the character Jack Zollo in his novels: My Life in Crime and My Life with a Criminal, Millie’s story. If you did not read these books in primary school, you may yet be helped. Look for them in the nearest bookshop. I badly wanted to be Jack Zollo.

The Shepherd is published monthly and is in the 30th issue with the June 2010 copy.

The name of the newspaper should have been clue enough, but I had flipped through almost all the pages when I realized it was mentioning God in every page. That’s when it occurred to me it’s a Christian paper, covering news in a godly/religious manner, trying to find that angle in every occurrence. Then the back page is full of these crusade announcements.

The content is there…. The articles appear well thought out and researched. I noted it must be having a few-ish because a writer almost had 5 pages of coverage. There was this article (I can’t remember who wrote it, and I forgot the paper someplace) which was talking about moral decadence in general and he complained about the Nivea ad (the one that features this delicious looking chick in white underwear), but while I agreed that our morals are decaying, I can’t complain about that billboard 😉

(Couldn’t find that pic online so here is a poor imitation!)

The newspaper is far from neutral, I fear. It all but screams NO to the new constitution, and always takes a stand on issues; the Christian stand. There was also an article about these new new churches not finding rental place in the city center and quotes that it might be the work of the devil.

Nevertheless, I found it worth the Kshs. 50. Except for one thing, there is no coverage of sports whatsoever! Does anyone know where I can get hold of John Kiriamiti? I wouldn’t mind covering sports for him, now that I have ambitions of being a sports journalist in the future.

Note: Turns out this is not John Kiriamiti’s Paper. His is called The Sharpener. Which makes all the above review erroneous.

Unknown Soldier by Breaking Benjamin

Borderline, dead inside,
I don’t mind, falling to pieces
Count me in, violent, let’s begin,
feeding the sickness
How do I, simplify, dislocate,
the enemy’s on the way

Show me what it’s like,
to dream in black and white,
so I can leave this world tonight.

Full of fear, ever clear,
I’ll be here, fighting forever
Curious, venomous, you’ll find me,
climbing to heaven
Nevermind, turn back time, you’ll be fine,
I will get left behind

Show me what it’s like,
to dream in black and white,
so I can leave this world tonight.
Holding on too tight,
bring the breath of life,
so I can leave this world behind.

It only hurts just once,
they’re only broken bones,
hide the hate inside

Show me what it’s like,
to dream in black and white,
so I can leave this world tonight.
Holding on too tight,
Breathe a breath of life,
so I can leave this world behind

Hall six

Many times I have written about it but I have never really dedicated a whole post to it. Never has anything deserved it more. Hall six is the Nakumatt of the campus: you need it, they’ve certainly got it. From electronics, to books, movies, legal intoxicants, illegal intoxicants, sex, a loan perhaps, and yeah, they got great cooks; who, when not short circuiting the electricity or causing accidental fires, cook delicious meals.

You cannot therefore, blame all the chicks that have taken to camping there. Damn, I should get me a Hall Six guy. Just a random thought. Anyway, I’ve heard of guys who wake up in the morning and wonder when theirs became a girl’s hostel. The number of ladies walking about in towels is quite large.

Of course it’s against the university rules to cohabit in the hostels, but who follows rules, right? This is a public university after all. We throw stones when we are opposed to anything. Back to the rules: you shall not do any business in the Halls of Residence, neither shall you cook, nor harbor visitors (nor play loud music) between 10pm and 10am. When I was a freshman, the rules were part of the bulky welcome to campus envelope and nothing more.
Now someone is trying to enforce them, and business has all but come to a standstill in the hostels. There were enterprising people selling Bamba 20’s, doing photocopies at odd hours of the night etc. and if you have to cook, you do it in secret. Sleepovers though, have remained. Till recently.

There is a guy who has an official letter CCed to the Dean of Students, the DVC, his parents (most likely) and the student counselor. It explains his expulsion from the Halls of Residence for cohabiting with a named cohabitee in Hall Six. He is to attend a month of counseling. Picture the sessions:

Counsellor: Hm…tell me about yourself.

Cohabiter: (Looks on in stony silence.)

Counsellor: Seems to me you have a problem. Tell me, what is disturbing you? Do your parents fight a lot? Do you feel the need to take drugs to numb your pain?

Cohabiter: Drugs? Am here for cohabiting.

Counsellor: Oh…(she adjusts her glasses, looks at the sheet again). What’s your name? Mark…okay, Mark. Seems to me you have a problem. Tell me, what is disturbing you? Do your parents fight a lot? Do you feel the need to cohabit to numb your pain?

And it shall go on for a month. But really? Counseling for cohabiting? It’s not like he was doing drugs or he was depressed. Only thing they were doing is each other and keeping warm in these cold times.

I rue the passing of the years that has brought rule-enforces on board. Hall six will never be the same again if this happens.

This is a big hostel that you would get lost in in your first year of trying to find your way around. It’s got a life of its own, and I’d hate for its character to be killed just like that.

The Microsoft Imagine Cup Competition

The Microsoft Imagine Cup competition is a yearly event that challenges students to come up with innovative products in technology. The Imagine Cup encourages young people to apply their imagination, their passion and their creativity to technology innovations that can make a difference in the world – today.

Regional Finals for the East Africa Region are usually held in Kenya, and this was the second time I was competing unsuccessfully for the top prize, which is usually a fully-sponsored trip to the world finals. Last year, it was to Egypt, and this year, Poland. Learn more about it here

This year, they were held at the Hilton. I hope more entries will be there next year. If you are reading this and you are a student of I.T, make sure I see you next year.