The Chips Funga Phenomenon

Makmende doesn’t chips funga; he eats at the counter.

That was one of my best lines during the Makmende craze. If you are a Kenyan and haven’t heard of chips funga; then you are a gone case. Not the chips funga, but chips funga. Let me try and elaborate.

To chips funga comes from the words: chips takeaway. You know when you go to a fast food, and you don’t want to eat there and then, so you ask for takeaway to go eat at home. In Kiswahile/Sheng, chips funga. So to chips funga means, in simple terms, to take someone home for the night. Quite possibly a stranger, and no, not to give them shelter, but to have ‘hot’ random sex and then walk away.

I know some friends of mine who have been chipoed (chipoed is the past participle of ‘to chips’), and they know that the person taking them home is only interested in the one night stand and that’s it. You only exchange numbers if the sex was good and you want to do a repeat. No emotions are supposed to be involved.

Most people are chipoed at the club. I mean, no one in their right senses will take a stranger home unless their inhibitions are lowered by liberal amounts of alcohol and a twinge of loneliness (I think.) Some chips funga their friends/acquitances, some total strangers they just met. Chipoing a stranger is dangerous business, though have been warned. They could be Onyanchas in the making. (Google him, or click on that link and don’t ask me questions ;-) )

Chipoes (those who have been chipoed) are not supposed to sleep over…but if they do, they should not expect breakfast in bed. In fact, when the one who fungad them wakes up, they should have left. However, there are special cases of chips funga: (Thanks to @switcheeks for some of these categories!)

Regular: this is your fallback, friend with benefits guy/girl. If you aren’t lucky that night..you’ll call them and you be sure to get some. Sometimes they can come over for the weekend, and on Sunday evening, you’ll be ‘giving them a push’ to the stage so they can take the bus home.

Corporate funga: this is chips funga that occurs during the weekday.

Sausage/kebab funga: this is when guy is the one being chipoed. *symbolism in sausage/kebab? which symbolism?*

Chips funga is closely related to the walk of shame; the morning after when you- the chipo- is leaving with yesterday’s clothes hoping you don’t meet anyone who saw you in the same clothes. This can be avoided by carrying one of those big bags that contain everything: including a change of clothes. Switcheeks called them Chips Funga bags/ Fornication bags.

The fornication bag

Have you ever been chipoed? Would you rather eat at the counter? (Whatever this may mean.)

P.S. This was added later. I was corrected that Chips Funga can occur even in sober situations. What? People got to eat too…even if they don’t drink! Read the comment by Shiko_Msa

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34 Responses

  1. ROTFLMAO! “U’ve got friends who’ve been chipsd” huh? i respect the HELL outta dat Mami.

  2. Because I refused to say I’ve been chipsed? Or did the chipsing?

  3. I noticed you didn’t mention if you’ve ever been chipo’d or had a susuage funga.:-D Extremely informative post! Didn’t know any of these things because I’m a good boy!!!

  4. Suddenly everyone’s a good girl/boy. Extremely suspect!

  5. Except me. i’ve never claimed 2 be good. lol.

  6. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by . said: [...]

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  7. I have been sausaged once. Worst feeling on earth.

    It shouldn’t be so bad….unless the sex was bad. Was it? *details, details

  8. I have been chipoed. Luckily for me it was out of town so it was not that bad.

    Tell us the details of your out of town experience.

  9. Hilarious! Wait. You haven’t told us about sausage funga. I hear its the opposite of chips funga.

    So it is. Everything is just reversed (hint* insert she in place of he, her/hers in place of him.his) and sausage instead of chips

  10. Heh cleary ma chipo are becuming the norm.now savvy,therez the new craze,every chick has,they are called KaToyo(guys who drive Japanese cars,jus have a ka okayish jobo kinda dude)

    kaToyos are my next target!

  11. Great post, clear definitions!

    We don’t want to cause confusion…now you know what we mean we say chips funga with a wink

  12. I also heard that:
    1. Kebab funga is a much older guy (could be a potential sugar daddy) while sausage funga is a younger guy.. *Dead*
    2.Chips funga is a young mami.For older women, they are called Crisps funga (sugar mummy).
    3. The ‘house’ of a bag is also called,’Leo nitalala wapi’. :)

    This is the shuga generation I must say.

    I totally LOLed when I read this. Thanks for the contribution. I hope guys can now use the right terms….

  13. I got pals who chips too, like a problem – this one girl gets you drunk, in a sec, your at her place, the next, she’s locked the door and tossed the key out to a pal, the next you’re being ravished like a nonsense.

    Yeah I second Bomseh, being kebab fungwad is the worst feeling ever, men prefer to be in control of the post-coital politics in the morning.

    In my social sphere, theres a new chipsing mechanism undergoing pilot tests – i call it KEEP YOUR COUNTRY TIDY –> usually symbolized in plastic bags by a man placing the used bag in the bin, everybody has seen it. So how it works, the targeted chips is taken as early as 1.am and by 3/4 am she’s returned to the club, and everybody else has no clue what went down. Best works for chipsing, erm, a friend. . .

    Interesting concept…the keep your country tidy one….should give it a try sometime!

  14. Interesting read and to think I was almost ‘chipoed’ on saturday hehehe..funny stuff!!

    chipsing is a state of the mind. You can go to his place, but if it was your idea in the first place, then you sausaged him.

  15. The fornication bag is also refferd 2us the ‘nitalala wapi bag’haha:)

    That one cracked me up too!

  16. ‘no one in their right senses will take a stranger home unless their inhibitions are lowered by liberal amounts of alcohol’

    Savvy nani alikwambia hivyo? He/she lied.

    You are right Shiko. Chips funga can also occur sober. I should edit the post. (In my ToDo List: Edit Chips Funga Post)

  17. what is chips funga??? Lol

    review the post….then answer the question :)

  18. i’d lyk 2 sausage funga…bt b4 then am geting a kaToyo!

    you mean you haven’t yet? Sausage fungad, not the kaToyo. I think I also want a kaToyo.

  19. Hehe! Lovin it!

    Not the chips funga, but chips funga.

    So ar u tryin to make us ‘hear’ what ur sayin here hehe!

    Anyhoo…pia mimi *ahem*….(complete the sentence!)

    Buut This is a pretty informative read. My friends also tell me “sausage funga” applies to gays too! :D Twololo!!

    I guess to every sexual relationship, there is always a sausage/chips funga moment!

  20. Funga arrangements have been there from time-immemorial. Experience teaches you though that men are from Mars and women are from Venus – and that your biggest enemy is mismatched expectation whether by those who’ve been chipoed or Kebabed or whether by the baggage that follows. .

    Believe, the agreement below works wonders to fix any of the drama.

    Let’s keep the country clean and drama free.

    CHIPS FUNGA AGREEMENT

    This Chips Funga agreement (hereinafter referred to as the “Agreement”) is entered into on the _____day of __________, 20__ , by_______________________,
    between ____________and______________.

    THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

    1. No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

    2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before sex that evening.

    3. No calls before 9 PM – we don’t have shyt to talk about.

    4. None of that “lovemaking” nonsense – only hot, unadulterated, butt naked sex allowed.

    5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Where do you see us in 5 years?, Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don’t ask.

    6. No plans made in advance – that is why you are called the “backup,” unless you are from out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.

    7. All gifts accepted – money is always good.

    8. No baby talk – however, dirty talk is highly encouraged.

    9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers – it’s really none of your damn business.

    10. No calling each other “friends with privileges” we are not friends, just sex buddies.

    11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK – don’t be offended.

    12. No extra clothing – I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.

    13. No falling asleep right after sex – it’s over, so get your ass up, get dressed and go the fuck home.

    14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it – I don’t care.

    15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

    16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: “My roommate’s girlfriend/boyfriend.”

    17. Doggie style is the preferred position – the reason is less eye contact the better.

    18. No condoms, no fucking . Carry your ass home.

    19. Bring your own drink – I am not your liquor store.

    20. No phone use, please – don’t want anyone calling back looking for your asse….And while on the phone, don’t you ever, ever ever ever, pick up my phone.

    The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement,
    it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the Chips Funga LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other
    words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.

    Participating Party

    Signature_______________________________________
    Date: ________________

    Participating Party

    Signature_______________________________________
    Date: ________________

  21. @DS Damn man! I doubt I’ve seen a more water tight agreement! Not that I’ll be using it!

    You might consider it. Read it and memorize it, then call it ‘the unwritten contract’. It’s implicitly implied in a chips funga situation.

  22. But people will always refuse to follow rules. I like your contract DS.

    yeah, most people don’t follow rules….which is why the contract should be signed in………..ink. You thought I was going to say blood, didn’t you?

  23. savvykenya, a very informative note, like chips funga 101 hehe.
    darius stone, a very informative follow up, very hilarious. chips funga 201

    As D.S. said, this is not new, has been going on for a while and people need information!

  24. [...] The Chips Funga Phenomenon by Savvy Kenya is another hilarious must read in The Diary of A Kenyan Campus Girl. I recommend you [...]

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  25. i like!!!! cracker ewew!!!

    as long as you enjoyed yourself!

  26. wawawa yenyewe very informative

    glad I could be of some help.

  27. wah!this post is killing me………had to print out the chips agreement form and take to all my friends that chips.LMAO!

  28. check facebook too…..

    http://www.facebook.com/chipsfunga.co.ke

    warris this?

  29. [...] youth, who love wordplay, have come up with variations. A “corporate funga”: a tryst during the week; a “regular funga”: a more consistent [...]

  30. [...] youth, who love wordplay, have come up with variations. A “corporate funga”: a tryst during the week; a “regular funga”: a more consistent [...]

  31. Women are at last admitting to wanting sex. A step forward

  32. That Makmende joke was a good one

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