JACK BAUER

I first heard the story from Ted, a third year student. One day after supper, Phil, Dannie and I headed for Ted’s room to pay him a visit. Unlike most guys’ rooms, Ted’s room was neat and tidy, with colourfully made bed and (I could swear) color coordinated curtains. We made ourselves comfortable, with Phil propping herself on pillows ready to sleep if anyone mentions watching a movie,(she never stays awake past the opening song, no matter the time of th3 day.)

Ted went to the computer and began searching for funny video clips. As he clicked on this and that, Dannie said something about a story.

“Story? What story?” Began Ted. “ Ah, that story. Well, I met this chick going to hospital…”
“What story? What chick?” I asked.
“You haven’t heard? Wacha Ted will tell us all…ehe….” Said Dannie.

“I was coming back to my room when I met her going to the school hospital. She was crying and I thought she had been beaten or raped. So when I asked around, I got to know what happened.”

“what happened?” we chorused.

“Ati she fought with her boyfriend and he bit off her ear, Mike Tyson style!”

“Haiya! Completely?” asked Dannie.

“So I hear. Ati she went to hospital carrying her ear!”

“Did you see it?” I asked.

“That day she was covering her head. I didn’t notice.”

“Why were they fighting?” A now alert Phil asked.
“What has the guy been done for?” Dannie asked.
“Where is the chick now?” I followed.

“Wa! The story is more complicated than that. I hear she cohabits with the guy in Hall Six, and them fighting is like the sun rising. But this time it was serious. After he bit her ear, she took a knife and stabbed him. She was going to kill him if he hadn’t jumped out of the window….” Ted elaborated.

We were shocked. Such a thing had happened and yet we hadn’t heard a whiff of it? This was serious!

“My God, did he survive?” wondered Dannie.

“Yeah, luckily he fell on the wires and the clotheslines so they broke his fall.”

“Where is he now?”

“I hear he is at Kenyatta.”

“Really?”

“Where else? He is actually in ICU right now. He won’t even do his exams, but it is coz of the stab wounds and not the fall. I wonder what his parents will say. I hear the chick is not even a student, just some ‘poko’ from outside and she has been cohabiting with him in Hall Six.” Ted further continued.

“Imagine telling your parents ati you were stabbed by your girlfriend…” Dannie mused.

“How will you even begin…” wondered Phil.

“so where is the chick now?” I asked.

“She is at the police station. She recorded a statement and I think she is being held there.”

More questions were asked but no more details emerged as basically what Ted was saying was from hearsay. We later left after watching some video clips, and went spreading the story, albeit with some alterations.

A few days later, I tell the story to Flo, my Hort third year roommate, and some of her friends. (hort as in horticulture). Betty, her friend, dismisses my story of the guy jumping out of the window or getting stabbed.

“Hakustabiwa,” she says with a coasterian (coastal) accent. “Alimwuma sikio kasha akatorokea dirishani. The girl had just grabbed the knife. He was there hanging on the balcony.”

“Unamwambia story ya Jack Bauer?” asked another light guy named Thion’go.

“Jack Bauer?” As I knew it, Jack is a main character in a spy like drama, complete with US presidential conspiracies, terrorists, guns, bombs, helicopters and the like. The drama, called 24, is a big hit and pirated copies are circulating in campus like crazy.

“Yeah. Coz he jumped from balcony to balcony until he was safe on the ground.” Explained Thiong’o.

“People burst into the room and found the chick drenched in blood, and rushed her to hospital.” Betty continued.

“Did you see her ear? Was it totally bit off?” I asked.

“Not totally, if she want to wear an earring, she can. Ni hii part ya chini tu imebaki.”

“Serious?” asked Flo.

“Yes, am serious.If she want to wear an earring…”

“Are you sure the guy is okay? The last I heard, he was at ICU in Kenyatta.” I persisted.

“The guy is fine. Why do you think he was nicknamed Jack Bauer?” affirmed Thiong’o. “Kwanza he is in my friend’s class and I saw him walking around jana.”

“But you guys are saying that he jumped from balcony to balcony. Hall Six doesn’t have balconies!” I asked.

“He was hanging on those things…those wires that guys use to hang clothes…”explained Betty.

With that, the story of the guy nicknamed Jack Bauer spread, but unfortunately, I never got to see the infamous guy because exams had already began. I decided to go with Betty’s version though, because she claims to have been present.

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Types of Dressers

I do not run a fashion magazine, and no, neither am I an aspiring fashion designer, and am not so fashion crazy either. But trust me, I have to comment on this…I have been trying to customize my blog, mdogo mdogo but with the lousy net am having, it is an achievement to even blogroll one person.

So here are the types of dressers:

1.The Classy dresser
If it is a chick, she knows the difference between classy and trashy. She most always is neat, and not a single hair out of place. She most definitely wears make up, but knows the rule of less is more. She doesn’t show too much cleavage, or wear too tight clothes, her shoes always match her clothes or her handbag or belt….an example is some chick, I cant remember her name and she should be in 4th year now. All I remember is that she is an exkotetian.
If it is a guy, he can either be smart casual or in official wear. His shoes match, he is always neat and tidy…. I could give some examples but I don’t want them to know I admire them….
My words: Keep it up..
2.The Trashy Dresser
Oh, you probably know this one. Too much make up, too much ass and boobs. I remember there is this one time my pal Idiota and I were walking along the paths when we met a chick who’s in 4th year now but her bro is a second yr student. She was wearing one of those low cut tops, and she doesn’t understand that u still need to wear a bra. Here are some excerpts of the conversation:
 Me: Look at that chick…what is she wearing?
 Idiota: That looks disgusting, one boob is here the other there…
 Me: Looks like a car could pass through..
 Idiota: A car?! A lorry is more like it…

My words: Do our streets look like K-street? If u want to be in a porn movie at least enda Hollywood, they accept all freaks and at least u get paid. Otherwise, cover up  those disgusting parts..

3. The ‘Shagmondo’ dresser
He will wear a suit yes, but it is most likely a hideos yellow-brown colour and worn horribly with white sneakers and a green tie.His home is probably very remote and they don’t care about colors, a suit is a suit and shoes are shoes…. They are also probably wearing 05 jeans, if they aren’t in the suits. This would be worn with some red bandana acting like a pseudo belt, and a shady bouncing walking style not forgetting earphones coz they just bought new fones after getting helb loans….

As for the chicks, she is either in a longish skirt, probably green and a yellow t-shirt. Girls, get this, please: u do not wear a skirt with a tisho. She would be very comfortable with a head scarf lakini coz she is in campo, she will wear a horrible weave. She may or may not ‘shanuka’ after a while and will definitely join the trashy dresser type. Perhaps she is not so influenced so she will become a casual dresser.

My words: It is good to be yourself, we accept u as u are….

4. The Casual dresser
In case u are wondering where I fall in, perhaps it is in this category. I do not try too hard to impress though I may dress up once in a while. If it is a chick, jeans form almost her entire wardrobe, u cant miss a number of t-shirts and sweatshirts. She may have bad days (hair, shoes clothes…) or good days (she will draw wows the days she is classily dressed…) . I’d say her style is ok…though many aspire to be classy dressers, it is just that it takes too much effort.

For dudes, jeans and t-shirt and sneakers…and once in a while, they dress up into suits and draw comments. If they have bad days, they will wear bad shorts that show off hairy legs, and torn slippers…

My Words: Just a little more effort everyday can have u looking classy all the time, but is it really worth it?

5. The Confused dresser
Right. I know you are wondering. This guy will come to class everyday in bathroom slippers, and it is not because he doesn’t have shoes. He is still in his PJs, or the tracks he slipped in, probably drank all nite and just woke up wild-eyed and rushed to class. If not, he was playing games (comp or otherwise) and fell asleep at 5 am, and came to a 7 o’clock class at 7.30 only to find a CAT going on…..His hair is more often that not uncombed, even on his best day.

If it is a chick, I only have words for you. You are a shame, u are supposed to know better. The least u can do is wake up early enough for a shower and a little hair combing before rushing to class. And get some shoes, they don’t cost an arm or a leg…that’s y there is mitumba?

My Words: Wake up and open your eyes

So, which type of dresser are you?

 

School Opens

Hey, i know it is my first post and it is supposed to be interesting…so, let’s get to it.

Campus opened its doors to first years and continuing students. Usually, I report on the first day, not that am soo eager to begin learning but rather coz I love the freedom that campus offers. I mean, I can come back at 2 am and no one will worry where I have been all night..(I’d rather not elaborate…).

There are 3 types of people when school opens. Those that say, “How can I stay in campus? It is soo booring…” and then they head for home. I just want to ask, if u can be bored in campo, home ndio hutaboeka? get real…if u are bored in school, u’ll be bored at home coz u are most probably a boring persona anyway.

Then there is the type that is actually bored coz they have a more exciting life outside campus, but mark  my words, it is not at home where they have fun. If it is chicks, they’d go over the their boyfriend’s place and spend two weeks of exhausting sex slave and come back when studies beginning with full shopping bags for the nights they had to put up with. Get a life! If it is a dude, and let’s assume he doesn’t have a “Wambui Otieno” galfriend, he’d probably be drinking all nite and coming to school to sleep druing the day, so u never actually see him until school begins.

Finally, there is the me type. Ok, this was supposed to be a blog about campus gossip but I must add that the gossip is centered around me. I don’t claim that campus is boring, and neither is it exciting. But I do have good times, catching up with my pals Ed (Idiot), Phil (Idiota) and Danni…they may become a constant feature here so watch out..During this first week, we hang out a lot. Watch movies, gossip, sit at the Student’s center alll afternoon sipping Alvaro and bitching about passers-by. This is the time to discover old flames and see if they can be rekindled, or perhaps discover new guys with whom to flirt with and watch movies with on Friday nights.

With pals like mine, who know everything from the colour of ur underwear to whom u made out with last nite, it is fun to be in campus. More is yet to come, but for now, adios….