JACK BAUER

I first heard the story from Ted, a third year student. One day after supper, Phil, Dannie and I headed for Ted’s room to pay him a visit. Unlike most guys’ rooms, Ted’s room was neat and tidy, with colourfully made bed and (I could swear) color coordinated curtains. We made ourselves comfortable, with Phil propping herself on pillows ready to sleep if anyone mentions watching a movie,(she never stays awake past the opening song, no matter the time of th3 day.)

Ted went to the computer and began searching for funny video clips. As he clicked on this and that, Dannie said something about a story.

“Story? What story?” Began Ted. “ Ah, that story. Well, I met this chick going to hospital…”
“What story? What chick?” I asked.
“You haven’t heard? Wacha Ted will tell us all…ehe….” Said Dannie.

“I was coming back to my room when I met her going to the school hospital. She was crying and I thought she had been beaten or raped. So when I asked around, I got to know what happened.”

“what happened?” we chorused.

“Ati she fought with her boyfriend and he bit off her ear, Mike Tyson style!”

“Haiya! Completely?” asked Dannie.

“So I hear. Ati she went to hospital carrying her ear!”

“Did you see it?” I asked.

“That day she was covering her head. I didn’t notice.”

“Why were they fighting?” A now alert Phil asked.
“What has the guy been done for?” Dannie asked.
“Where is the chick now?” I followed.

“Wa! The story is more complicated than that. I hear she cohabits with the guy in Hall Six, and them fighting is like the sun rising. But this time it was serious. After he bit her ear, she took a knife and stabbed him. She was going to kill him if he hadn’t jumped out of the window….” Ted elaborated.

We were shocked. Such a thing had happened and yet we hadn’t heard a whiff of it? This was serious!

“My God, did he survive?” wondered Dannie.

“Yeah, luckily he fell on the wires and the clotheslines so they broke his fall.”

“Where is he now?”

“I hear he is at Kenyatta.”

“Really?”

“Where else? He is actually in ICU right now. He won’t even do his exams, but it is coz of the stab wounds and not the fall. I wonder what his parents will say. I hear the chick is not even a student, just some ‘poko’ from outside and she has been cohabiting with him in Hall Six.” Ted further continued.

“Imagine telling your parents ati you were stabbed by your girlfriend…” Dannie mused.

“How will you even begin…” wondered Phil.

“so where is the chick now?” I asked.

“She is at the police station. She recorded a statement and I think she is being held there.”

More questions were asked but no more details emerged as basically what Ted was saying was from hearsay. We later left after watching some video clips, and went spreading the story, albeit with some alterations.

A few days later, I tell the story to Flo, my Hort third year roommate, and some of her friends. (hort as in horticulture). Betty, her friend, dismisses my story of the guy jumping out of the window or getting stabbed.

“Hakustabiwa,” she says with a coasterian (coastal) accent. “Alimwuma sikio kasha akatorokea dirishani. The girl had just grabbed the knife. He was there hanging on the balcony.”

“Unamwambia story ya Jack Bauer?” asked another light guy named Thion’go.

“Jack Bauer?” As I knew it, Jack is a main character in a spy like drama, complete with US presidential conspiracies, terrorists, guns, bombs, helicopters and the like. The drama, called 24, is a big hit and pirated copies are circulating in campus like crazy.

“Yeah. Coz he jumped from balcony to balcony until he was safe on the ground.” Explained Thiong’o.

“People burst into the room and found the chick drenched in blood, and rushed her to hospital.” Betty continued.

“Did you see her ear? Was it totally bit off?” I asked.

“Not totally, if she want to wear an earring, she can. Ni hii part ya chini tu imebaki.”

“Serious?” asked Flo.

“Yes, am serious.If she want to wear an earring…”

“Are you sure the guy is okay? The last I heard, he was at ICU in Kenyatta.” I persisted.

“The guy is fine. Why do you think he was nicknamed Jack Bauer?” affirmed Thiong’o. “Kwanza he is in my friend’s class and I saw him walking around jana.”

“But you guys are saying that he jumped from balcony to balcony. Hall Six doesn’t have balconies!” I asked.

“He was hanging on those things…those wires that guys use to hang clothes…”explained Betty.

With that, the story of the guy nicknamed Jack Bauer spread, but unfortunately, I never got to see the infamous guy because exams had already began. I decided to go with Betty’s version though, because she claims to have been present.

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9 Responses

  1. 😆 This is hilarious!

    but very true, i can assure you.

  2. looooooooooooooooooool.. its even more hillarious becuase I relate to hall 6…. hehe i Will not talk about the drama of hall 2 and hall 1… Lol ati she went to the doc with her ear kwa mkono …

    wewe hall 6 neva had balconies… unless ..

    there are some wires hanging out of the hall six windows, guys hang their ‘inner’ clothes there…
    aha, now tell me the hall 1 and hall 2 stories, seems there is more than meets the eye, u can trust me. hopefully, u never sneaked into Hall 1 past 10pm(curfew time) using the balcony, Mr Spiderman Kip?

  3. I laughed and didnt know there was someone watching mapak amekuja kuona what I was laughing at. All the best with Exams(kama hazijaisha)

    am glad u found it hillarious, it is serious business though, such a sad love story (could make a plot for those silly soap operas!). exams ziliisha last sem and i have a glowing transcript to show for it.

  4. haha, i like the flow gal! now, jack bauer..thats a guy i wonna meet 😀

    i cant believe i never got to meet the guy either, when i came back this year, they are out of session (on holiday)…

  5. Haven’t watched 24 yet but from what I hear of Jack Bauer, wacha tu. Your campo Jack Bauer sounds like he deserves the title.

    Are you talking Hall 6 ya Main Campus Nairobi? I’m very farmiliar with the sorroundings therein.

    no bomseh, hall six of juja campus….but i guess every campus has its share of drama, huh?

  6. Lol. Tht vyb is so true kwanza i jua that dude. Hard 2believe the vyb. Bt it happend! Hall 6 drama never endz!

    this is interesting, nzembi…now where did u leave ur link? i’d love to read your blog, see what u’ve been up to, what superhero are u imitating

  7. hehehehehe dont start with stories of hall 1 and 2 maybe Ishould tell you about the day I laid this MMS chic who I had been chasing 4 ever hukos in the classrooms of civil eng Labs at 3 am on monday in they year 2001 AD. …

    Hall 2 sex was bad becuase you could be sure all her 3 roomates were pretending to sleep yet wako all eyes open!

    Wacha i keep taking notes..

    hey hey hey Kip… civil eng labs…which one? the high voltage lab??!! at 3am?? on monday morning…full marks for originality. na kama mngepatwa na watchie?? In hall 1 and 2, u just have to exile ur roommates, ain’t now way around it…u actually did it with 3 roommates? duh, they werent asleep

  8. […] Bauer II Posted on November 4, 2008 by savvy08 Who remember Jack Bauer I? Well, he may have inspired […]

  9. […] Kissed under a tree in the moonlight (ask Nzembi about night walks in the campus! Or Peter Njenga..am sure he has stories of his own, though I wonder if he can beat Kip’s) […]

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