Song of the moment: Big girls don’t cry by Fergie
All right, I confess am a big girl now…and I don’t want to cry either…but I guess I gotta get some of the stuff on my chest…so here goes..

Meeting one
One day, girl X is walking along the corridors with her classmates, laughing and making lame jokes. Then as they approach the mess, they all decide to go for lunch. Classmate Y has seen a table full of his buddies, and decides that they should all sit at that table. So, like the peer pressured youth they all are, they all decide to sit there to. So classmate Y, who has not left behind his manners this day, makes general introductions…names quickly forgotten as soon as they are said. Except one, let’s say J (hope this does not give X away… )..lunch hour is soon over, as people shuffle from the mess, their minds on the next lesson..it has to be a busy weekday.

Next Meeting
This time, there are fewer people seated at the table. J gets to make some small talk with X, and did he actually smile at her joke? Nothing remarkable about that, lost of people have very unimpressionable senses of humour…and in a place where the ratio of guys to chiks is 6:1 (I have done the math), you really can’t claim prowess in jokes. Again, this meeting doesn’t really register anything in X’s mind, since it was just coincidence that they sat together at lunch, it is not like he came searching for her or anything.

And the Next time
X is having an alone day, the days when you just don’t feel like talking to anyone. Maybe a bit depressed (must be the moodswings…maybe it’s the time of the month..). face frowning. Then she meets J on the path as she shuffles to class, and her face breaks into a smile. Damn, now why did she smile? She was supposed to be giving people the ‘stare’. The cold treatment. But she is all smiles after saying hi to J. Even the afternoon lecture can’t deter her..she is answering questions and generally acting teacher’s pet.

It Happens
Another not so interesting day, X is running late, as usual. Huffing and puffing her way up the stairs to class. Then, she meets J coming down the stairs, and my, isn’t he cute? Just look at those eyes. Then, as they meet, instead of J saying a quick hello and stepping aside, he stops on the step just above hers, his cologne engulfing her, and extends his arms for a hug. Suddenly, the world melts away, and she is in a place where dreams come true….its been, how long? 1 min? 30 seconds? The hug lasted forever in her time frame. There is renewed energy as she tackles the remaining stairs to class. This time, she is totally not in class..mind keeps wandering to that time at the stairs. She tries to concentrate, and wonders why a hug should affect her so much.. and shares this information with her pals, who assure her that yes, she is falling for the dude.

The first real meeting
X has been waiting all week to catch a glimpse of J, but why does he always walk around with all those guys? Isn’t that supposed to be a chick thing? But no matter, he hugs her now every time they meet. That’s a good sign, right? But how come he isn’t asking for her number? She decides to take the first step. She gets the number from classmate Y, who has been very helpful so far, setting up chance meetings, giving X excuses to go to J’s room.
So she calls, the first call a bit awkward. He says he can’t talk coz he is at church? (Now what is she getting herself into? A C.U guy?), but you never know. So she hangs up and swears never to call again. Then on Friday, she is at the low down and crowded student’s center that is saturated with sweat and cigarette smoke, pretending to be enjoying the rugby world cup on the screen. Her buddies play rugby and she thinks a little moral support is in order…besides, is all that muscle those guys in hotpants( ok, short shorts)?
Then some guy (Bryan Havana, she thinks) scores a touchdown. She almost yells touchdown before her friend tells her it’s called a tri. She wonders why there is no goalie and gets a short course in the rules of the game at half time. At least she knows she should support the ‘underdogs’, like Fiji…ok, she is totally hopeless. There is no Kenya playing…after all(it was 15 aside.)

Then the phone call comes, and she is out of the door before you can say ‘conversion’. Her rudge friends wonder how one can walk out when someone is just about to convert. “chicks!”, they collectively sigh. The dust settles as leaves…

X finds J alone in the room. She seats on the chair, coz he is doing his ironing..(when is the last time she ironed her clothes? She can’t recall..a neat one, huh?). they are now having small talk. There is a song playing, but it is on a Christian channel. Hope perhaps. So in an attempt to appear ‘good’ and ‘holy’, she says her fave song is “the promise” by I don’t know who. “oh, that…it is played like everyday on Family Fm.” (Everyday? When did she last listen to family? Or hope? later, when she tells her pal about it, he wonders why she couldn’t say a song like ‘amazing grace’ since it was apparent she was clueless when it came to gospel music ).

He finishes ironing, and seats on the bed facing her, and she suddenly can’t talk. Heart beating…clearing her throat..to cut the long story short, they eventually start talking..and before they realize it, it is past 11pm. She says she has to get going, he asks her what she is going to do. “nothing,”, she says, standing, and lazily stretching..”maybe sleep”. “there are beds here,” he says jokingly and she smiles. Then instead of returning to the chair, she sits on the bed. Next to him. He moves closer, holds her face and looks into her eyes. She closes them, anticipating his lips on hers….and the rest is history…

Much later, they decide to take a walk in the moonlight (more like there was a CU bonfire somewhere..but a good excuse nonetheless..). they find the bonfire ended hours ago..but have a great time in the cool night air, the only two people in the world. They kiss under a tree, sneer at a watchman, and hold hands. Hug goodnight at the hostels door..it’s a bit cold..
she walks on air the whole week.

The Aftermath
The dust settles soon enough. It is clear that hormones alone are not enough to sustain a relationship. She has done her part, she believes. She has given enough clues that she likes him. (actually, has even said it..). so now it is his turn to ask her out…
Exams begin a few days later. She regrets why they didn’t meet at the beginning of the semester. But still he says nothing…maybe his mind is on his exams, u can’t blame him. It is not like guys can multi task. Then the semester ends, and they go their separate ways, with a promise to call as often as possible and maybe an occasional meeting.

But we all know how time and distance can change stuff. X goes holidaying near the blue oceans. J remains in the city area. Some distance….expensive safaricom credit, and it is not like either of them is working. 5 months apart. Little progress. Still hasn’t popped the question..(relax guys, the question is “will u be my girlfriend?”).

Holiday ends…they meet again. Hard to pick up from where they left off, if they left at anything. He hesitates when she drops the loud hints. A week later and he still doesn’t know her room number while she can tell you the color of his roommate’s bedcover. She is beginning to realize that things are fast becoming one-sided. Besides, what is his ex still doing hanging around in his room? (he swears they are no longer going out…). She has to make her decision. Her friends tell her that answers come in all forms, even silence is an answer. I guess she has her answer now. She stares at the phone that never rings (when it does, it is mum with “how is school dear? Take care of urself and have you talked to my grandmother’s cousin’s daughter who is in 3rd year?—like we are 30 people in campus—“mum, am still searching for her”). Listens to the knock on the door that turns out to be guys coming for BS (Bible study, she has ‘saved’ and ‘love the lord’ roommates). Meets him with his pals and longs for the hug that has been substituted with a quick hello. And she knows the answer in the things undone, things unsaid. But still, big girls don’t cry, right? Can they still wish for what might have been? She is finding out they can.


20 Responses

  1. My dear, welcome 2 JKUAT! Thts the norm wit jkuat rlshps . . .sad 2say. X shld knw tht Y is no longer into her.

    am sure she already knows that..sadly…
    hey, about that link?? so u on holiday, huh? that means u are either in 4th or 5th year. and yes, blackouts are as common, if not worse, considering i heard that Lucy Kibaki was blowdrying her hair causing a nationwide balckout….

  2. Sorry meant J nt Y.


  3. If all those X (in ur post) are put together, can they be me, Xs? LOL


    am sure X will appreciate a little rescuing from Xs, she needs to learn to get over j, after all..

  4. wacha nicheke kwanza..haha ati lucy was doing wot? brb 🙂

    u don’t believe me, i’ll get a foto of karoocy in action

  5. And people think that when Snoop Dogg sang, “Love is a Motherfucker” was being rude.

    and they thought he was rude

  6. hmmmm….i might have heard this before…at times, big girls do cry, time to flush J out of her system.

    time to let go…i agree with u

  7. The trouble with some C.U guys is they think that asking the question would be sin. Let X stay away from C.U guys.

    a guy, whether C.U or not, can still show their interest..problem with most CU guys is that they are pretenders…so much for being saved and doing all manner of things in their rooms…

  8. I propose affirmative action! LOL

    anytime 🙂

  9. Campus life esp for boarders fascinates me.
    That chic was just used. pole kwake

    yeah, sadly it is always case after case. life in campus fascinates you? keep it here for more….

  10. life can be tight but the best thing is to learn from your mistakes…

    “never make a priority of someone to whom you are an option”…. a saying that has helped me a lot

    I’ll relay the full message to X, sometimes her heart overwhelms her mind…

  11. Been there,done that and didn’t love it one bit!

    did the loving or the dumping? i mean, u were an X or a J?

  12. Its not only in campus, love is a strange thing.
    Great blog off to archives 😉

    the strangest ever…

  13. shame on the ‘brother’ for taking the chick on a trip like that.

    hatumchukii, twamdharau..

  14. […] finally, X (not Xs) has burnt her bridges. She assured me she has moved on. It was one weird conversation, trust […]

  15. That is y one shud not giv da whole heart to someone.Heartbreaks are bad.One shud alweiz luk into rels keenly n long enuf b4 getting deeper into it.nyc narration,could you pliz continue wid this story?

    That was the end of the story..

  16. I never got the chance to do the whole campus romances thing, but if this was it, then it’s terrible really. That’s one undecided dude, and he’s one big pretender, hiding behind religion while kissing girls in his room…

    I always wonder how two-faced people live with themselves.

  17. very sad wat happened, and worse is that stuff like this happen everyday to many (X)s {not Xs} … thats why its so important for people, both X and Y to have principles and stick to them, when it comes to relationships.

    well put..

  18. […] ever written about J. J is er..the guy I used to like back in the day. I think I wrote about him here. I still like him, there is always the could’ve been between us, and am happy with it just being […]

  19. this is really touching, almost in tears, thn again, big gals surely dont cry

    at least am over it

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