Surviving life as a boarder (part 3)

Its evening. Lessons are over. Activities for the night depend mostly on whether it is exam time, or if there is a CAT the following day, which means people will be doing their last minute cramming. Activities…hmmm… am sure your eyebrows are touching your hairline. This could range from Bible Study to society meetings, to more ‘naughty’ and body warming stuff (yes, body warming in this cold July weather) like making out to umm…you know what. Or a bash in /around the campus, or raving in tao depending on day of the week.

Bashes are held on Fridays, or Saturday nights. So is raving. Technically, I have attended enough campo bashes to give general advice. One, never drink unless you are ready to act in a bizarre manner. Like telling all your chick pals you love them so much, you end up puking on them, or their shoes. I lost a pair of shoes this way. I just couldn’t picture cleaning up the puke. Yeah, disgusting, I know.

Two, do not attend a bash where you only know one or two people. It is not interesting interacting with drunk, strange people you have little in common. You can just be made to feel like a fool afterwards. Take this time I went to this bash. I wasn’t having a good time coz everyone around me was already ma-various, the new term for being higher than a kite. Nesta calls this state makarapapers. When you are starting, you are makaratasi. A bit tipsy is mapapers. Makaratasi is blackout. So this sober(like the only one) guy starts telling me how he is from a neighboring uni (UoN), how he just came for his pal’s bash, how he would change campuses just for me, how he can tell what course am doing by just looking into my eyes….and he actually guessed the right course, or so I thought. You have no idea how I felt when I met him the following day coming from church with my pal Cracker. Kumbe they are classmates, and he’s been seeing me around for like forever. Luckily, nothing had cut that night. But damn,I hate being lied to. It makes me feel like a fool.

Three, do not drink so much if ur crush is in attendance. You might get courage to make what you consider a sexy move, and might not even notice the disgusted look on his/her face as he pushes you away, thinking he/she is playing hard to get. This one am not elaborating……..

Fourth, you could begin speaking in strange tongues once you have fikad even mapapers. You could suddenly acquire a mid-Atlantic drawl, and on realizing it, you go like:“Oh my Gawd am weeinging! Drrrew, am I rrreally weeeingin?” or tell the same joke over and over  again. But I must admit the joke being told that day was funny, though I didn’t get it at the time. This guy was saying, “ Macho zako ni kubwa hadi ukiangalia map unaona watu.” (Your eyes are big such that you see people when you look at a map). Or you could find your ethnic accent suddenly manifesting itself. You could say stuff like: “ Si unibeeb nisave number yako?” (Si u beep me I save your number?), or  shouting “Hiyo ni imbossible!!” (That’s impossible). Or “Mi naitwa Chemima”. ( I am Jemimah).

Fifth, you could be at ma-various and make out with a Shrek look-alike, and then you won’t remember until you get a text message the following day whose contents trigger a trip to the bathroom to empty your stomach. (Xs….u understand..)

Wednesdays and Fridays are church nights. I have no idea where my spirituality, as far as going to church is concerned, went. Yes, I suddenly woke up one morning and that’s it. No more church for me. It all began in class six when I went to a Catholic boarding primary school. I hated being forced to go to church. So I guess when I went to a Catholic boarding high school, I had had enough.

Mondays nights are basically catch up nights. Catching up with assignments and school work that is due that week. Maybe you can catch a movie on Tuesday night, if u feel like.  I mean watch a movie in one room or another. Thursdays are society meetings, which society? SCOSIT, of which i am an executive member.

Ok, let me continue to more interesting matters. So you have 3 roommates. Do you just imagine they don’t exist when you invite your girlfriend over for the night? Or how does a chick feel having an audience of 3? (Roommate1 hears a slow down of activities, rushes to the shops for some lucozade and glucose(to renew their energies, of course), gives them and declares: Haya, endelea…), roommate 2 is the timer, while roommate 3 just stares, no pretense ati you are sleeping.) I can’t answer those questions… Most people I know have the decency to ‘exile’ their roommates.

Exile can be done without uttering words. The dude and chick will just be there dying to tear their clothes off each other, and you should be able to get the cues and give them some space. Or they just send you to get something from outside the room, and when you return, the room is locked and you left your keys inside coz you weren’t smart enough to realize you were being exiled. Or guys just tell their roommates, “You sort yourselves out. Mjipange. Kuna kadame ninakatia huku.” I wonder if the chick knows just how she is being described.

That is why most dudes prefer hall six. The rooms are for two. So it is easier for them to exile one roommate. Hall six is where you can find everything under the sky, it’s the Nakumatt of this campo. From printers to CDs (all kinds!) to chicks who are cohabiting with their dudes. That’s like a story for another day. Hall six is commonly just called hall sex. Someone once commented that if hall six burnt down, more chicks than guys would rush out.

If your roommates are not considerate to let you have your beauty sleep, you could do as Bomseh says and get yourself a good i-pod. Or even a phone will do. Am sure the music you want to listen to is not that of cries of pleasure. That is why am glad I have really saved roommates. Abstinence is the keyword here. Well, am not sure about what anyone does out there, but I have never been exiled so far. And no, I haven’t exiled anyone either.( I can could smell the question a mile off..). 😉 Or caused someone else to be exiled…. There is something about a campus room that just puts me off. Ok, enough revelations….

Part IV: the raving. Coming soon… watch this space.


19 Responses

  1. tuendelee dadangu. part four…

    batience… i meant patience

  2. Hey that was actually very interesting. So just a few thoughts, I didn’t know that people actually referred to campus life as boarding.

    i wonder what u could call living in a room with 3 others in a campus hostel?

    I mean you are allowed to leave campus at any God given time and you have all the freedom in the world. Maybe even more than the freedom that’s available at home. Which makes me even wonder more about the surviving bit.

    its not ati survival as in hardship or lack of freedom, survival in a good way!

    Ok so the kisomo does actually make JKUAT life almost unbearable and also there’s the fact that those freedoms are more in theory than in practice because i f overly exercised then on would have to incur a D operaor in their results slip as a penalty. So interesting insights such as Hall Sex, and the Mapapers theorems. As is customary for blog responders to say at the end of their posts, Keep em coming girl!!!!

    D operators in transcripts not nice at all..

  3. There’s no way I could live on campus. Ati sharing a room with 1 or 3 people? Privacy hakuna! So what happens when you’ve been exiled & you return later to find mad harufu za mapenzi lingering in the air?

    well, its called surviving… ati harufu za mapenzi??

  4. Is that campus life?No,thats imbossible! Imagine I can read from your eyes(hapo juu) that you are in SCOSIT and also that you are going to cause someone be exiled soon.Pple have vocas,ati makarapapers!
    Could hall six be the reason why my ex quit me????? Am yet to find out!

    ati am going to cause someone to be exiled soon? kwani my eyes say what??

    vocas are coined like on a daily basis…

    hall six has brought manenos, rem jack bauer? sometime back… hebu elaborate on ur ex..

  5. Savvy, you threw yourself at a crush?? BAD GIRL!!! LOL

    don’t mention it..oh, the horro

    I remember my campus days – the exiling & what not! I WONT ELABORATE!

    u know u want to…just say it

    You forgot to add, in college bashes, its possible to loose your boyfie/galfie expecially if you are makaratasi. She/He simply leaves with someone else & when both of you sober up, its breakup time! Nasty. Again i wont elaborate – i’ll let you do research on this

    break ups are so common…..

  6. @Jimmy: experience ni mbaya, eh?

    hebu mwambie a-elaborate…

  7. […] Surviving life as a boarder (part 3) Fourth, you could begin speaking in strange tongues once you have fikad even mapapers. You could suddenly acquire a mid-Atlantic drawl, and on realizing it, you go like:“Oh my Gawd am weeinging! Drrrew, am I rrreally weeeingin? … […]

  8. mami…spot on!! that exile shit is just nasty!! aaauuuuwuuu!! lemmie echo Xs… I wont elaborate.. nasty experience i tell u!

    why wont anyone elaborate?

    @ Archer, wen u find the harufu still lingering and u want to sleep…u cld well…choose to sleep at the balcony or in the same room and Act a fool! or if yo like me…Kick em both out!!

    kicking em out doenst chuck the smell, u have to sleep with the balcony door open, i guess…

  9. LOL!That was just hilarious.Talking of exiles,just last weekend a guy exiled 5 of his roommates for awhole weekend!!You can imagine the commotion after the lady left.A whole weekend!!

    five roommates? tsk tsk…. 5! a whole weekend? si wange clean up after?

  10. […] Surviving life as a boarder (part 3) So you have 3 roommates. Do you just imagine they don’t exist when you invite your girlfriend over for the night? Or how does a chick feel having an audience of 3? (Roommate1 hears a slow down of activities, rushes to the shops for some … […]

  11. Nice blog you gotv here…Will be back for part 4..Thanx for passing by

    thanx am working on it…am having net issues

  12. Hostels are clean compared to Halls of residence.

    but halls of residence are more fun? 🙂

  13. man, nostalgia you”re reminding me of the days in Juja boys as it was called back then! I remember once a fresher dude was exiled by his roommate and he came to crash in our room- you should have heard the way the guy complained!

    how did the guy complain? did u ever exile anyone…..?

  14. Thank God I never lived on campus…hizo harufu, bana!!!

  15. u missed the fun!! it cant be that bad if u are the source of the harufu.

  16. I was a good boy… the guy complained about his roommate and his antics, he was a young innocent fresha at the time so I guess he was pretty shocked

    after a year in campus, i dont think anything can shock me anymore

  17. campo life can be crazy…i conqur with ya kabisa, especially coz i have exiled someone 😀

    ma-exilers nyinyi.. si i heard boys are not even supposed to karibia girl’s hostels huko in Daystar?

  18. nostalgia! When i joined Jkuat 1st was in Hall5 , 1st month introduced a ‘motion’ to lay clear rules with my fellow new freshers. Rule 1. Nobody will exile me. U better find a… I had heard of the exiling stories b4 ofcos and ddnt like…

    so even u obeyed ur own rules?

    About hall sex and burning..u shud have seen the scene once wen there was a fire 4th flr at ard midnight on a saturday night…Half-nudes made it hard to tell if its a guys or a chics hall! lol…
    Nice blog..

    well, must have been an interesting ‘going down..’ that night..

  19. its 2011 ..just found out bout this blog from last friday`s gazzeti..its freakin impressive…am reading the whole of it like a fuxin novel

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