Jesus H. Christ

I am in shock, even as I type this, I can hardly believe it is happening.

The unthinkable has happened. My hands are cold, and am literally and figuratilvey shaking as I type this. Barely an hour ago, it happened! No, I did not fall pregnant!

this is far deeper shit than that.

No, it ain’t HIV.

The fucking  lecturer asked me out. How the fuck do I handle this? This is just some fucking bullshit that you read about out there. You never expect it to really happen!

Do I look like I need help getting an A in a fucking Maths paper, u fucking pervert? What did I say to make think you can just fucking ask me out? Fuck! Fuck!

Is it just coz am the class rep so u fucking think am vulnerable? what the fuck is wrong with you? u must be in ur fucking fifties with grandchildren on the fucking way? So u got my fucking number in ur fone, so what? I fucking thought when u called me to ur office u wanted to give me handouts, or revision papers to pass onto the class.

Then when I arrive there at noon, u are there fucking smiling and asking me:

“How are you doing?” how am I doing? what do u fucking care.

“am fine thank you.” blank stare.

“yes, i wanted to ask you, there are some people in ur class who are concerned that the exam paper might contain stuff we have not learnt. they came to my office yesterday…”
so if they fucking came? u can’t say this over the fucking fone? si u could have told them that yesterday

“tell them not to worry. am the one setting the paper..”


“eeh..i wanted to ask…nikuulize, si unipeleke lunch…(mumble mumble..)”

i didn’t fucking catch that one. for a man who has to teach a whole class, it is surprising u are fucking barely audible. and why ar u drawing shapes on paper? look me in the eye u shitty motherfucker!

“what?” no sign of surprise here, I had been warned before. I had talked it over with a classmate.

“huendi lunch?..”

“no, am busy.”

“oh, you have a class?”

“yes, and another one at 2 pm to 5”

“what about after?”

“am going home.”

“oh, u live in Nairobi?” what does it fucking matter to you?


“okay, how about next week?”

“next week am studying for exams…”

“u are not free any day?”

“no, there are second CATs to be done…”

“let me go by my schedule then. i’ll call u next week..”

someone knocked on the door then. I was so fucking relieved to see some students come in with some papers.

I have just taken my exit and am fucking wondering what to do. Just go ahead, and give me a fucking supplementary mister. we shall see how this fucking goes down.

I probably did not react as outrageously as I was feeling coz I couldn’t believe what was actually happening. Am I dreaming? No, this is the fucking reality.
How did this fucking happen? What did he see in me? Me and my jeans and big sweatshirts and shoulder bag that is like a part of my outfit? I don’t fucking dress up for class in the first place…



24 Responses

  1. if u have noticed, i never actually use expletives in my writing, but this time i had to…

    and no, this post has no relation with the previous one, in any case, i doubt the buffoon knows the savvy behind this post, or its existence..

  2. i hope to God am overreacting and reading too much into a statement like:

    “si unipeleke lunch?”

  3. i too, hope that ur just over~reacting and its nothing.

    a false hope coz sometimes it aint what he is saying, but how he is saying it

  4. Wat! What the fcuk ?!! Mami, I’ll comment via e-mail.

    thanks, still waiting for that email

  5. pole savvy…..its very sad and you are not overreacting. there are too many stories there of profs asking and engaging sexually with students.

    just tell the guy no and finish his class and leave.

    will see how it goes this week, of course the answer is no, whichever way it goes

  6. phew. am also in shock too.they say..sijui in what movie when it ends that THE GREATEST TRICK THE DEVIL HAS EVER PLAYED ON THE WORLD IS TO MAKE IT BELIEVE HE DOESNT EXIST. now, you just encountered him. i could say as 3n has; just say no and move on with life.

    the devil definitely exists, he’s just manifesting himself in my right now… damn that lecturer

  7. Tell him you are not interested but without the “french” and read hard (the only option you have available to you now is to PASS and pass well, not barely)for whatever exam it is that he marks.You can not afford to be a borderline pass- coz that one he will fail.

  8. I know the kind,always walking around with their small balls dangling between their tails…


    I once wrote a paper for a lady friend who was sick..She ended up with a distiction and me? just a pass…I feel you..stick to your guns and tell the loser to stick to his type…good to know you are a rep..theres always something you can do about it

    hopefully, I shall nip his ambitions in the bud..

  9. you are definately not over reacting… in case he fails you because you refused to go out with him, you will need some proof to back up your claim that he did that because you rejected him. so try and get a good tape recorder that you will use the next time he calls you to his office… hide it in your pocket or somewhere so that it can record what he says, your reactions and make sure he says something that will incriminate him for sure…

    sorry about that crap and weird way he is making you feel…

    i hope to god he doenst fail me coz i have worked hard the entire sem, but i’ve been saving his txts just in case..thanks Sybella

  10. Do this, pay him another visit, make sure you have a tape recorder or something (hidden), record his sorry ass saying maneno of pelekaiing you out… then let him down (hard). Then read that githafu like nobody’s biz, if he fails you, you have proof as to why, peleka mbele….. or arrange for someone to make him disappear.. i know a few…at a very cheap campus-girl friendly terms… LOL

    Xs hold the thought, it might come to that… 🙂

  11. and go easy on the swearing…. mami, what if he had asked for more than lunch…? what word would you use if he had asked to be layed…..? Kuuliza tu…LOL

    i thought saying yes to lunch is yes to all the rest that comes after!
    i’d have probably coined new, stronger vocabulary

  12. Every now and again it is good to do a cursed filled rant. 😉 I do hate when old f*&king perverts try and hit on me so I know how you feel.

    worse when the pervert is ur lecturer with your marks in his hands..

  13. You’re allowed to; curse like you have a 50/minute quota of F’s to hit! I know I would.


    Be cold; no smile, embarrassed giggle… nothing whatsoever.

    been practising the look….
    And do try what Xs proposed…

  14. I don’t think you’re over reacting. I think you’re too smart to need an STD (Sexually Transmitted Degree). There’s always the risk that he might flunk you coz you kataad his advances, so I suggest what Xs & Sybella have said. Get a tape recorder, go to his office and ask exactly what he meant by taking you for lunch. If your uni has a sexual harassment policy, that tape could land him in deep shite.

    am hoping though, that it wont get to that. i shall let all of u know how it dreading this Thursday when he comes to give us CAT2..

  15. iza savvy. but u dont need a tape recorder. there are mobilefones and they have recorders.use the recorder in ur fone or ur buddy’s fone.screw this nigga gud…

    the fone will do for sure…

  16. My chic pal was in such a situation sometime back,best advice right now:Be cold but dont be rude,try to find out about his previous classes(Maybe he usually takes his class reps for lunch,Maybe he runs a mentorship programme).Dont get me wrong here but I read ‘lunch’ not ‘sex’

    mentorship programme at lunch? mike, it aint what he is saying, but how he is saying it. besides, he isnt the type you joke around with. and besides, it is almos the end of the semester, so mentorship gani hiyo for two weeks? he’ll probably teach me this once coz he’s a math major and doing computers

  17. Be firm on your refusal while treading carefully. work very hard as well

    thanks mountanious

  18. That was the absolutrly most interesting article I’ve read on wordpress. Of course it was a tough thing to go through and you know that I have your back, If the old Nyiggah tries to put his filthy square hands on you si you know I’ll totally knock him cold. Still the story, ansd more so how it was told was so very funny. Si you saw me laughing so hard I almost cried. I just didn’t know that this kind of thing happenes much in JKUAT less so in our class. You know the way one always feels that shit happens to the other guys and not to those you know.

    I never thought it happens here either..

    My advice, be stoic and staid when near him, completely business and act a fool , those ones for me little clean girl doesn’t even know where boy’s peepies go and if it’s to my coochie then that’s plain disgusting, eeeeeeeewwwwwww, I’m gonna tell mummyyyyyyy!!!!
    Too funny.

    thanks for ur support..

  19. Alternatively, take control of the situation. Ride the wave. Dont get angry. whoever makes u angry controls u. Phone recorder on..then..when he says something play on his intelligence & innocently. Like, Lunch? “i can come ya but ur home food cooked by ur wife and i come with my 5 lovely galfriends..!” ..or “What dd u mean in that SMS?” let him explain himself ..(An intelligent girl is able to play tricks on any man. rem here, he is reasoning with his balls not the prof in the head.. )Then state your principle clearly and bila anger..Diffuse the situation coz wen it goes burst and he burns in scandal might have counter effect coz of other lecturers..u know? honor among thieves?

    am hoping the situation will diffuse..mind games? i dont know about that
    by the way, where is ur link?

  20. some good advice i see in the comments, i shall avoid diluting…

  21. Chic tread carefully ICS has some sneaky bastards i was there not so long ago and i saw what they used to do or are capable of doing,i remember once during a class trip to mombasa a lecturer and a pal of mine nearly got into a fist fight because of a chic in our class… to be on the safe side pass those cats like crazy and follow the advice given above.. p4 out.!

    all advice appreciated mightily

  22. The skul I went had a way of controllling sex for marks. In exams, we never used our names. Just Student ID No. Besides they never even marked them except for the CATs.

    Sorry though. I see how perturbing it was for you.

    Even here, we don’t write our names, but he can easily get your number from the cats that we do, and even though the external examiner checks the marked papers, he still enters the marks into the computer. Besides, he could be in cahoot with the system administrator..

  23. zile ‘fuck’ zaiko hapa ni nyngi kuliko combi ya zote zile umesema out of all the blogs of yours I have read,

    I was mad! I wrote the post just minutes after leaving his office. I’m older and wiser now though.

  24. Kumbe its real. The lecturers thing?

    of course it’s real, you think all these chicks make it up?

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