Is there a nice way to do this?

Is there a way to do this without feeling like a jackass afterwards? Xs did a post on break-ups, how about one on turning down someone before it even begins?

This impromptu holiday can hardly be enjoyed. We open in a week to begin exams immediately. Since I left with no books, I had to look for alternative reading material. Between hustling for books from neighbourly classmates, I found myself at some resort (nyama choma joint more like it) turning down a prospect.

“Nimekumiss.”

Shrug

“Na umepotea.”

“Mi niko.”

“Sa unaendeleaja? Nilisikia mlistrike.”

“Yeah, we did. But I ran so am ok.”

I know you are wondering if I have switched to Sheng but this was the actual conversation. The waiter interrupted, no Alvaro so soda for me. Him too.

“How come you are taking a soda?” I ask.

“Mi huwa sinywi. Nilikatazwa na dockie.”

“Really?”

“Lakini ni mi tu hujiambia. Mi hunywa wine lakini…..ni vile tu inataka mtu akuwe na dough kwa mfuko, unaget?”

“Yes I do. So how u doing? How is college?”

“Colle ni poa tu, lakini saa hii niko atacho. Exams zangu ziko November so manze tumechop. Ni vile tu leo nime-create time nikasema lazima nikuone…”

“So after you are done? Graduation?”

“Kabisa. Nianze kutafuta salari..”

Weak smile from me. Stare around. What to say? How about I stop beating around the bush and just get to the point?

“Listen..”

“Sema tu.” Flirtatious smile from him, dammit.

In my most serious tone:

“Sitaki kukuwastia time.” (I dont want to waste your time.)

“Mi nime-complain? Leo nilikuwa free..”

“Si hivyo. What I mean is, this (hands waving around)… can’t go on. I can’t give you a false hope when I know it will lead to nowhere.”

“Yaani hivyo ni kumaanisha? Unacheki, mi sitaki mob. Kwani nimekuwa so demanding? Ama sikutia bidii sana.”

“No, its not you, its me.” (Te classic one liner)

“You see, am not ready for anything..” I continue..

“Mi sihitaji mob, unaget? Sina haraka mimi. I just need someone ninaweza trust. Na saa hii mi naku-trust.”

“For me, am okay with nothing.”

“Saa umeamua kunitupa hivyo? Unataka ni-do nini sasa? Nisiku-call? Tusi-meet?….”

“Yes. Am ok with that. We never meet. You never call. You never text. Just forget you ever knew me.”

“Mbona unanikazia hivyo lakini? Kitu gani sikufanya,hebu nielezee. Najua bado hijani-hit. I just want someone beside me, unaget?”

“I cant be that someone.”

“Mbona lakini?”

“There is no reason good enough.”

“Ama hinifeel?”

Yes, that’s the crux of the matter. But how do I tell you that? Plus there is the Sheng part. I can picture years down the line, you are the type that will call easy FM and say “Napenda Sheilla jo..anapea compe wife ya mine.” Or when he is addressing my dad,

 “Baba Savvy jo, ni hivi, mi napenda huyu mtoi wako. Nataka akuwe dame yangu. What I mean is, nataka akuwe wife ya mine. Ka ni watoi, tutawapeleka machuo poa poa..ka ni ng’ombe unataka, naweza leta wengi wadhii wakule…”

at which point my dad shall remain in a frozen state incomprehension… I wasn’t thinkint it would go that far, but then I have a fertile imagination.

“That’s not it….” That’s more like it.

“Ka ni ku-call nitaku-call more. Siwezi nikaku-make uchange mind? Na we hata huwezi ku-beep? Hata please call me huwezi tuma?”

“Its just that I detest flashers so I can’t do it myself.”

“Lakini mi nakwambia niko sawa nayo.”

“I just can’t. Why don’t you want to let go?”

“Hunielewi. Kwani nani ame-make hiyo decision? Ni wewe, ama ni Mungu ama ni fate?”

“I think that is a decision we have to make ourselves.”

“Unajua mi sitaki mob, unaget?”

“Look, I have already made my decision. You have no choice but to live with it.”

“At least ni-allow niku-call manze. Lakini wee msawa…”(How do you romance in Sheng? just wondering..)

I shake my head.

“Hata wewe unaweza ni-call…acha kuwa hivyo…unaweza hata ni-flash….”

I decided to reveal another truth. I know the truth hurts, but honesty is the best policy?

“Let me tell you. Mtu asiwahi kuambia ati hana time au credo. If you want to be with someone, you will create time no matter how busy you are. It is not like my phone has never had credo, it has, but I just call other poeple first…”

“So there is someone else?”

“No actually, there is no one else.”

“Manze hiyo ni hard.Usinikazie hivyo. Nikipiga simu uchukue, sawa? Hata nisikie tu sauti yako..”

“Ok, I’ll pick you calls.”

“Na umesema hatuwezi meet?”

“No.”

“Hii ndio goodbye sasa? I will never see you again?”

“Never..”

(What am listenig to: Crossfade, So cold)

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18 Responses

  1. i feel bad for the guy…

    but why didn’t he get the hint early on and just let it be. he sounds too desperate to be with you which is not a good thing.

    that is why he had to go….

  2. Hehe! So now he wants to keep calling you to unleash his sheng vibes on you? Sheng is tricky, it either works, ama ina hata style ingine yaani, unaget?

    kweli mi hua siget hiyo vibe yao…u don’t know how irritating unaget? can be…

  3. What! Mami yo harsh. Kudos! Why don’t dudes get it when a mama refuses their vybe. A No is a No! Not ‘am playing hard to get’. Been there before, I had to have my pal pretend he’s my dude, just so to prove a point! And that sheng’ vybe, unless yo ghetto like him, there’s no way! Unaget kile na try kukumezeshea? Lol!

    u can be ghetto and still speak good language…

  4. there are some people who just never get it………………….and yeah, vybe za sheng zi u-work- ” unaniongelesha kwani we ni mlami?

    mlami? sometimes i get lost trying to catch up with the new vocab

  5. there are some people who just never get it………………….and yeah, vybe za sheng zi u-work- ” unaniongelesha ngoso kwani we ni mlami?

    kuna vile hii vybe ya sheng hainibambi hata kidogo..

  6. set him straight, you did.

    he really should know when a no means NO

  7. it’s a dirty job but somebody has to do it!

    but for the record it’s never nice to be on the receiving end but the clarity of the no is good.

    there is no need to postpone that awkward moment, I guess..

  8. ai! Has that guy ever been to school? The only English phrase was ‘is there someone else’. He didn’t notice that all along you were speaking in English and one sentence answers? Ok, I feel for him, lakini!

    i tried to talk sheng nikashindwa and stuck to english, i wonder how he talks to his superior at work, he is educated, he is doing aurenautical engineering or something to do with planes. By now he should realise that high school sheng is over..

  9. hahahaha…gal what a perfomance!!!
    Here’s an Oscar for ya!!! no need to waste time if your heart is not in it.

    thanks, I always wanted to be an actress, but this time I wasn’t acting..I just did not feel the dude

  10. Wow,I love it the kenyan way!Could not help laughing.And yeah,that sheng of his becomes too much.Tell him to go to hell, simply.Just keep it that way ,you are juu juu juu zaidi!

    I prefer either Kiswahili sanifu, which is tricky, or English…. the Sheng contributed in putting me off

  11. okay… i kind of got the general idea of the conversation altho half of it was greek to me…

    sounds like the guy who is hitting on you and you let him know that you are in a relationship and his response is:

    “that’s okay. i can compete with him for you.”

    WTF!

    Well, I left out the parts I forgot, am not very good at Sheng either. But guys have to learn to take no, because we too have a choice when it comes to relationships.

  12. Me I’d have been so gone at “listen”…. I hate rejection… No wonder am still single

    I’d be willing to give u a chance if you didn’t speak sheng

  13. ai, Savvy, niaje unakazia mzeiya risto hivyo? Alikuwa anjipandisha bei kupata mshikaji wa vungu, si unaget? Unakwachu?

    Kind of feel sorry for the dude. Had probably already told his wazeiya how he is ‘being felt’ by a really classy lady..the marrying up sort of thing. But that conversation was hilarious.

    I guess it was just the wrong language, as opposed to the wrong time..or place

  14. I’m just here to LOL.

    :)))

    I like how you were firm but polite. Some mamas just SHATTER a guy’s ego when they do this.

    I do not like to shatter someone’s ego just for the sake…

  15. Well, this guy is a stupid one. Period.
    Next, this might sound kidogo rude for you chicks, but I wonder if such a guy has forgotten that there are over 3 billion choices he still has. (Women outnumber men worldwide…)
    This guy is really a disappointment. He pisses me off like u just can’t believe.
    I dare say you were quite a diplomat here. He should have gotten all the hints immediately and left. What a loser!
    All the same, it’s time we all discovered that “Love is Noise”. Some things are just not worth it. The Verve is right. See: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_verve/love_is_noise.html

  16. OUCH!
    Chic,that was too cold.I can feel the guy from just reading this,how about his facial expression.But if he aint getting the message you have to take drastic measures.
    The next time I skia that line of,”Its not me ……..”I might just get a fit,You are a creative chic,Start a forum for guys to contribute Dumping lines.

    Well, how else could I have said it? Ultimately, being dumped hurts and there is no easy way to do it….in the end, I think straight to the point spares you the long tedious break-up that inevitably follows

  17. This is how I was dumped. Copied and pasted from my text messages.

    “Thsdshghskgrjdgfsfkhfghrgfhr.”

    Reply “What?”

    Reply “I didnt know what else to say, I mean its not working! Move on I dont really feel like it anymore”

    I buried myself in grief played ‘You’re Cold as Ice’ by MOP over and over I haven’t got back to my feet yet. Its been 2 years now!

    Sheng, manze usi ru ru-ehh hiyo design! Hii ni lugha ya mtaa! lol

    Ni hiyo lugha ya mtaa ambayo haikunijazz……dumping is nasty business but someone has to do it, for someone once said:

    its better to be apart and wish u were together, than to be together and wish u were apart

  18. haha. There are easier ways to do this but they involve lying. Glad you took honest.

    I’m glad I did too..

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