Personality Test

70% Choleric
29% Sanguine
5% Phlegmatic
5% Melancholic

Now who would have guessed that?

You can check what is cooking on the other side. Enjoy your weekend

The Great Reckoning

Witches?

Witches?


In the village where I come from (we all come from a village somewhere), there is this woman called Mary. She is the neighbor to our right when you are facing the river. Last December, during the flawed elections (don’t you just hate the over-used expressions: post election violence, IDPs, flawed elections, eminent persons etc), we were all in shagz. I particularly noticed the absence of Mary. You see, we go a long way back.

Way before we moved to any town, before class 2, we lived with my grandmother. Every Saturday, my aunts made sure we were clean, smeared us with Vaseline and up the hill we went with our shiny faces for Sabbath School. Our teacher was none other than Mary. I can’t remember any particular lessons, but there was much singing.

So I asked grandma what happened to Mary, and she broke down the story into juicy details. I shall give the summarised version.

Mary’s husband lives away and comes home once in a while. So there is this time he came loaded with all manner of stuff, from sugar, to flour to clothes for his children. Of course the whole village knew when he arrived and what he carried long before he had set foot in his compound.

One by one, neighbours came to greet him and for the cup of tea that comes with such visits. Though Mary was not known for being generous, some days are an exception.

In the night, Mary’s husband woke to a cold bed. Looking around, he could not see his wife anywhere, and he proceeded to the outhouse wondering what could have happened to her. Fearing something might have happened to her while he was asleep, he raised the alarm. Let’s not get carried away, ‘something’ here does not mean kidnap or thieves. Kidnap is unheard of, and as for thieves, well, they were a modest family. The cows were safe in their shed and nothing looked the least disturbed. Something here means abduction by….witches.

He woke up all his neighbours, and together they proceeded in search of his wife. There was safety in numbers, and people could not miss sensational news like those. The crowd was huge. I asked my grandma if she woke up. I did not need to ask, as if she could miss.

The trees around the river and at the top of the hill having been searched, the thickets in some farms having been slashed down, and all suspicious places having been searched and nothing found, there was a general feeling of despair. She had disappeared without a trace. Neighbours trudged back to his house around 3 am, and kept the worried husband company while they waited for morning to come. They remained huddling in groups, speculating wildly.

Around 5 a.m., she appeared. Not looking rugged or beaten. Not in the least bit hurt, nor wearing a dazed expression like one who has had an encounter with the forces of evil. Rather she was wearing..nothing clothes-wise and a look of pure rapture on her face. There was shock and wonder on everyone’s face, including hers when she realized there was a gathering at her home.

The truth was laid bare before everyone’s eyes. Everyone knew you were a witch if you went out running nude in the night, and came back at the crack of dawn. My grandma told me she had always suspected her, there was no way someone can be that strong in the church; she never missed even once. She must have been hiding something.

So what happened next?
She was so embarrassed, she packed her bags and left. Nothing has been heard from her since.

A promise is a debt

A nice weekend to you all.

My First Love Letter

Sorry for all the non-Swahili speakers,  and readers for that matter.  This post will be in Kiswahili. And I shall not be translating. I remember there was a post that Modo did in Kiswahili and that inspired me to try my mine; after all, I learnt Kiswahili for at least 12 years.

4B Class, 2005

4B Class, 2005

Nikiwa kidato cha nne, mwaka wa 2005, nilikiwa msichana mtukutu sana. Nakumbuka siku moja tukimsengenya mwalimu wetu wa Tarakilishi.
“Jana nilipitia hiyo njia iliyo karibu na nyumba za waalimu…” kaanza M.T.

“Halafu?” Tukamwuliza.

“Nikaona dame mmoja amevaa suruali moto moto akianika shati za buluu, ukipenda samawati. Na sote tunajua nani huvaa shati za buluu…”

“Suruali moto moto?”

“Hot pants.”

“Kisha?”

“Wacha msichana kugeuka, uso wake kajaa madoa doa, mengine yana vichwa vieusi….”

Vicheko vikatushika. Kutoka hapo nikaelekea maktaba kuenda kusoma. Kawaida yangu huwa sisomi lakini mtihani wa mwisho (KCSE) ulikuwa wakaribia. Nilikiwa msomaji wa riwaya, kama vile vitabu  vya Mills n Boon, na waandishi wengine kame vile John Grisham, Danielle Steel, Sidney Sheldon, Ken Follet, Jackie Collins na wengine wengi. Lakini wakati huu nikidhubutu kuvifungua, mawazo yananijia najiuliza maswali kama vile: “Eleze kwa kutumia michoro, jinsi Kames na Eskers zinavyotendeka. Alama 15 . (Kwa wale hawafahamu, Kames na Eskers hupatikana katika somo la Jografia). Riwaya hizi nazitupilia mbali nachukua vitabu vya Jografia na kutia bidii.

Siku moja nikitoka maktaba na rafiki yangu Chumba, huku tukipeleka vitabu darasani ili tuelekee mlo wa jioni, tukaona kijana mmoja barobaro akisimama mlangoni wa ofisi za waalimu. Chumba aliyekuwa wa kwanza kumwona akaniambia “Savvy tuende tumsalimie.” Kawaida, wavulana huwa nadra sana, kwani shule yetu ilikuwa ya wasichana pekee. (PinkM anaweza kukuelezea pia.) Kwa hivyo mvulana kama yule tuliyeona ni kama kumpa Obama urais wa Marekani.

“Mimi sitaki kumsalimu, kama wewe wataka nenda.” Nikamjibu Chumba.

“Savvy we muoga, tangu lini..” akakejeli Chumba.

Nami kwa vile sikuwa nataka kuonekana muoga, nikashika njia kuelekea ofisi. Kufika hapo, nikamwona kwa karibu kijana huyo. Alikuwa amevaa fulana ya kijani kibichi iliyo na kofia. Hakuwa mweusi wala mweupe sana, tuseme kahawa hivi. Sura ya kawaida, nisemeje!  Nikasema hello kisha nikamwuliza:

“Umeoana, um..um…” Nikageuka kwuliza Chumba anisaide, lakini wapi! Alikuwa katoweka.

“Umeona Mista Bunguswa?”

“Aa.”

Kusikia hivyo nikaanza mwendo wa pole pole kwelekea jumba la maankuli, nikajizua kukimbia. Ningekuwa mzungu uso wangu ungekuwa mwekundu. Kufika huko, nikapata Chumba ashaketi anakula, nami nikajitilia chakula kisha nikaketi na kumwuliza kwa nini alitoroka. Kabla hajanijibu, maswali nikatupiwa kutoka kila kona ya meza:

“Savvy twambie juu ya kijana wako.” MT akaanza.

“Sio kijana wangu.”

“Eh Savvy! Hatutaku-‘slice’. Twambie tu, anaitwaje? Anasoma wapi? Anafanya nini hapa?”

“Nawaambua sijui…” Nikajibu kwa hasira kisha nikatoka nikaacha chakula changu hapo.

Hayo yakasaulika hadi siku nyingine tukitumia ‘stairs’ za maabara ya Kemistria, tukakutana na yeye. Nilikuwa na Chebet wakati huu. Tukasalimiana, kisha tukaanza kuongea mambo ya kawaida tukijuana. Akatuambia yeye husoma shule nyingine hapo karibu (nimesahau jina la shule hiyo), kisha huja kufunzwa masoma ya ziada na Mista Bunguswa. Alikuwa kidato cha tatu, nasi tukamwambia tuko kidato cha nne na tulikuwa karibu kufanya mtihani wetu wa mwisho. Akatutakia mafanikio. Tukamwambia kwaheri ya kuonana na kwenda zetu. Kabla ya kuondoka akatujulisha jina lake: Harrison.

Siku chache baadaye, nikapata barua isiyo na stampu. Kuifungua nikapata inatoka kwa Harrison mwenyewe. Nikamwita Chumba, Chebet, na pamoja na Vee, Kemy, Ciara na wengine wengi, nikaanza kuisoma. Hiyo ilikuwa barua yangu ya kwanza ya mapenzi. Ingawa nilikuwa mtukutu wa kuvunja sheria, wavulana sikuwapenda sana (sio kama siku hizi J ). Barua ilikuwa imejaa mistari ambayo kwa kiingereza ninaweza kusema ‘classic overused love lines’. Lakini ilikuwa na kasoro moja, makosa yaku-‘spell’ yalikuwa yamejaa. Nikaambiwa niyapuuze. Sikuwa najisikia kujibu barua hiyo, lakini darasa mzima ni kama lilikuwa likitaka nifanye hivyo.

Papo hapo Vee akachukua karatasi zake maridadi ambazo alikuwa anazitumia kuandikia Ibrahim (Ib) mashairi marefu ya mapenzi na kunipa. Kila mtu akanizingira nikianza kujibu barua. Nikachora mistari kama vile: “You are the Harrison Ford of my life…” na kuandika ma-‘dedications’ kama Strangers in the Night (Glen Washington), My Love (Westlife) na zingine za mtindo wa reggae, kwani kwa tamko la Chebet “Boy wako Savvy ni ghetto.” Sikukosa wa kumpelekea Harrison jibu langu; karibu darasa mzima lilijitolea.
Mtihani wa KCSE ukaanza. Wiki ya kwanza haikutupa nafasi ya kupumua, tulikwa na karatasi asubuhi na adhuhuri. Juma la pili nilikuwa sina karatasi zozote adhuhuri na nilikuwa nafika kidimbwini kila siku kuogelea (Sijui kama kilikuwa kimejengwa PinkM akiwa). Jioni siku moja, nikapata barua nyingine kutoka kwake Harrison.

Kama kawaida, darasa mzima likaja kusoma, kwani wakati huu, ilikuja na mauwa, ya aina ya ‘rose’ mekundu. Vee akatafuta chupa ya soda, akaijaza maji kisha akatia maua ndani. Kila mtu akaketi kimya tukaanza kusoma barua. Mistari ya mapenzi ikaongezeka, akaniambia hataki kunipoteza kwa vile nilikuwa naondoka baada ya mtihani, na kuniambia nimwachie nambari zangu za simu. Kisha ma-’dedications’ zingine. Nami nikaijibu barua hii, nikijua hata kama sikumpenda, siku yangu ya kuondoka ilikuwa yakaribia.
Barua ya tatu niliyoipokea haikuwa na mengi ya mapenzi. Ilikuwa fupi na alinipa nambari zake za simu, kisha akanipa hadithi juu ya simu yake kuharibika na kutaka kuniomba hela (elfu moja )ili aitengeneze. Aliahidi kunirudishia kabla sijaondoka.

Yote yakaishia hapo. Anawezaje kuniomba pesa? Kwani nilikuwa nakaa kama mtoto wake Kibaki? Au Mwiraria? Kwanza hizo namba zake za simu hazikuwa halali kwani zilikuwa: 07xx xx xx . Nane tu, badala ya nambari 10. Ama labda simu zile za kitambo (2005) zilikuwa za nambari nane. Sikuijibu barua hiyo. Hata marafiki zangu waliniambia “Savvy, mwangushe kama kiazi moto.” (Direct translation at work here: Drop him like a hot potato.)

Nakumbuka siku niliyokuwa nikiondoka. Mamangu alikuja na Peugot 504 ya samawati iliyokuwa ikiendeshwa na Kones. Tulipofika mahali ambapo barabara ilikuwa yakutana na njia kuu, tukingoja magari yapite, nikamwona kijana mmoja akitembea kuelekea lango kuu. Alikuwa kavaa fulana ya kijani kibichi. Akigeuka kuiangalia motokaa yetu, njia ikaisha magari tukaondoka tukiacha wimbi la moshi nyuma. Sijawahi kumwona Harrison tena. Barua zake nilizichoma tukiwa na “The Great Bonfire” –tulichoma vitabu vyetu tulisivyohitaji baada ya kumaliza mtihani.

Tagged: for Mwendwa and Nzembi

1. What’s worse – Physical or mental cheating?
Mental, as long as I don’t that he is…
2. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
It’s definitely easier to forgive than to forget.
3. Can men and women be” Just Friends?”
Show me platonic friends and I shall show you a blue sheep. Trust me, experience speaks for me on this one.
4. Dating co-workers?
Why not? As long as you are not competitors..
5. All expenses paid vacation to anywhere?
Wait, let me think..there are so many places I want to visit…Rome.
6. On the way to the electric chair – What’s your last meal?
Honestly, I love food, but I don’t think I would eat.
7. Water parks are…?
Parks where you play water games, right?
8. When you are “In Love” do you notice other people?
Of course I do..but now I wouldn’t dream of acting on it..
9. Is flirting cheating?
Not if you know the limits….
10. Would you rather have 1 great friend or 5 pals?
1 great friend. No question about that.
11. If someone called you a bitch would you be offended?
Yes I would…
12. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?
No way.
13. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
No. Why would I want to do that? Test drive? I love my space.
14. Favorite sport?
Am not very sporty..but I love swimming.
15. Is toilet paper hung over or under?
Under.
16. Do you squeeze toothpaste from the middle or end of the tube?
End. Is that really a question?
17. How do you feel about tanning booths?
Let’s see..Am dark so I’d be tanned black…so no feelings about tanning booths, not my kind of stuff
18. Friends with benefits?
That could work
19. Do you believe in angels?
Yes. And demons too. I mean if you believe in God, then the devil exists too…
20. Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures?
Take pictures any day of the week. Sometimes I have this fantasy of dropping out of school and embarking on a photography career
21. Have you ever flirted with someone you had no interest in?
Many times..
22. Ever kissed a random person and then walked away?
No
23. Would you buy bootleg merchandise?
As long as it looks good..
24. What color looks best on you?
Black, blue..brown
25. If you could play any sport professionally what would it be?
Swimming..I have dreamt of the many gold medals I have won in the Olympics…
26. Ever break up with someone and regret it?
Yes, sometimes I regret..but then am sure I made the right decision
27. Are you a jealous person?
Yes…when it comes to relationships that is.
28. Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Maybe when am 60 and want to look 40, and I have all the money and nothing to spend on (that means hunger and poverty have been eliminated in Africa), which means I will never have plastic surgery. You end up with a shocked expression on your face…
29. When do you want to get married?
Late 20’s
30. Who has the sexiest accents?
Forgetting Italians, Frenchmen and the like, how about we keep it local…let’s see, the Luo…
31. Next concert you’re attending?
One of those local nights at the Carnivore, can you classify those musicians as coming for a concert? I hate international artists who feel like His majesty..akina Akon and the like..
32. Favorite song?
Lady in Red, by Chris Debarge
33. Favorite movie?
The list is endless…Best Man, Pretty Woman, Lord of the Rings, any funny comedy (there are comedies that aren’t funny)
34. What’s your occupation?
Computer scientist.
35. What’s your sign?
Taurus
36. Are you a beach, country or city person
Beach person..
37. Best vacation spot you’ve been to?
Malindi.
38. Have you ever had a “secret affair?”
Not in my 20 years. Who knows about the future? Wait, secret affair in what context? I do keep secrets.
39. If you could own a non-traditional pet which would it be?
Guinea pig…

40. Favorite show as a child?
I know you all think..it’s a cartoon..but it was Wrestling on KBC. The whole family used to watch it..except my mum. I remember Shawn Michaels, Yoko Zuna, The Undertaker, Kane…
41. Where do you spend most of your money?
On clothes, swimming and other related activites (like drinks by the poolside after swimo)….
42. Are you currently working at a job that you hate?
No…I like everything am doing right now
43. Have you ever been so heart broken that you called in sick to work?
Never been heartbroken before..
44. Favorite summer drink?
Summer? Gimme a cold Sprite on a hot day..
45. Can you change a car tire?
No.
46. Favorite cologne / perfume?
Destiny (it’s am American Impression one)
47. Favorite candle scent?
Jasmine? I think that is a candle scent, right?
48. Would you consider yourself adventurous?
Very. What haven’t I tried?
49. What is your My Space profile song?
I have no profile there.
50. Favorite concert attended?
None so far
51. Would you date an already attached man / woman?
No, I’d like to be the only one in his life.
52. Would you sing Karaoke in front of co-workers?
Yes, but only if I don’t like them. You see, am not very endowed when it comes to that area.
53. Can you shoot pool?
No, but am learning
54. Do you like your siblings’ significant others?
They aren’t old enough to be having significant others yet.
55. Can you drive a stick?
A stick? I’d say no since I can’t drive anything yet.
56. Did you wear white at your wedding?
Am not yet married.
57. Have you ever sat and hoped for a phone call?
And sadly, the phone call never came.
58. Ever skip school and spend the day at the beach?
I’ve skipped school to swim or spend the day elsewhere…it’s just that there is no beach nearby
59. Favorite TV show/s?
Oz, Criminal Minds, Twilight Zone, The X-Files, Cold Case, CSI Miami….all detective series except Cobra Squad (am not 10 anymore!)
60. What do you think about gay marriage?
It’s ok, am not so sure though, about them bringing up kids.
62. What are you waiting for at the movies?
For that magic moment
63. What is your favorite holiday?
The December one…
64. Describe your fighting style: drunken master or angry monkey?
Is there one for the coward, running away type?
65. Piercing?
Only the conventional ones in my ears…
66. Tattoos?
Hoping to get one soon, I’ve identified the site J, the tattoo artist, now I need one final resolve.
67. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Any clothing and shoe store
68. Thongs? Yes or no.
Yes
69. Write 2 truths and 1 lie.
I have tasted weed.
I am ‘crushing’ on my friend.
I am short.

P.S. I did not find the sixty first question.

Yet Another Semester

A start of a new academic year for some (4th, 5th and 6th years), a new semester for the juniors (if you can call 3rd years juniours.) I don’t know if the seniors had missed campus so much that when they came back, it was a celebration all through. Evidence is in the two guys we saw who had K.Oed at the shops. They were hugging posts, drooling on the pavement. We shook our heads in pretense of sadness and walked on.

Most first years have now matured, after all, they are a semester old. The guys have stopped using lines like :”You must be tired from running through my mind all night”-I have evidence this line was used. The chicks have discovered the art of going out with like 4 guys at the same time. The is the ‘steady’ boyfriend from home. He gets his time during the weekend. There is the ‘christian’ one. You go with him to weekly christian gatherings. There is the ‘academic’ one, whose time is on the eve of the day assignments are to be handed in, or a CAT is due. Then there is the ‘special’ one, who replaces the steady one when you are having cold wars, or when the steady one is too busy.

As usual, no learning takes place this first week. So very few guys are in school. Some are couple hoping to take advantage of the time and space. Space in the sense that there are no roommates to exile. Others never got accommodation inside, or rather prefer to live outside (like Archer), and so they will be searching for houses and hostels around the campus.

This is also the time to get to know roommates. “Hi, am Savvy.” “Am Flower..nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you too and I hope you wont be exiling me, I hope you are clean and tidy and hope you aren’t the type to drink and puke all over the room..”

A.O.B

I went to the Harambee Stars match on Saturday. You probably saw me on stands cheering like crazy if you were there, as we tried the Mexican wave and all that. Next time, am going with a trumpet, my voice was gone.. Maybe you saw me on Supersport predicting the scores before the game, or on K24 or NTV (I remember tapping Chiko Lawi, sports presenter for NTV on the shoulder, and saying: “I don’t mind being interviewed” He is the one narrating the clip below), am fame-hungry like that 😉

I don’t know what the Namibian coach said before the game, but it got the guys on some radio station dissing Namibia:

“Unajua..I have gone to all the search engines..Google, Yahoo, MSN..”

“What were you looking for?”

“If Namibia got any medals in the just ended Olympics.”

Mad Laughter.

“Hata nilienda Google Kiswahili.”

“And?”

“Hiyo waliniambia: Wacha mchezo.”

You can watch the match on the link below:

What did you do this past Saturday?