Karate: The Comeback

I am a paradox sometimes, or so I would like to think. Sample this:

i.)                  I am a conservative at heart, but a liberal on the outside. I tell people to go for it, break the rules, sometimes I break them too. But I still conform to traditional views like marriage, decent dressing (this is one hell of an everyday debate) and other moral views that could be seen as outdated in today’s glitz blitz world.

ii.)                 I condemn religion on one hand, but defend my religion when someone takes a jibe at it. At that time, I can take the religious fervour of one possessed by demons…yet at other times, I seriously wonder if people believe all they read in the holy books. For instance, there are many verses in the Bible that allude to Paul’s chauvinistic attitude towards women. I’ll quote a few. “For woman was created for man, but not man for woman.” “I forbid any woman to teach men..blah blah…” “The man is the head of the woman, as Christ is the head of the house.”

 

Don’t get me wrong. Equality is not the same as hating men, but I hate having someone say something like “There are some things that a woman just can’t manage.” I always ask which ones and would in fact be tempted to do them just to prove someone wrong.

 

What is more worrying is this conversation I was having with a fellow lady in Bible study, and what was she saying, that we were never meant to be equal. She was the one quoting for me those verses above. She totally believes she should meekly be subservient to her husband.

 

iii.)               I scoff at soap opera watchers and women (and men) who still read Mills and Boon. I try to understand the rationale of those who go overboard and name their kids after soap opera stage names, like Maria Clara, or Carlos Eduardo. Yet, I find a movie, any kind (action, scientific fiction, detective drama) incomplete without some form of romantic involvement between hero and heroine.

In other news.

I tell myself this is it. You are going to have to exercise. That smooth round sexy   belly has to go. What happened to your dream of a six pack? Oh, I remember you realized it was just a dream, but you settled for a lesser goal of an outline. You know an outline…when I hold my stomach in and forget to breathe, you can see vestiges of a six pack that lies underneath. And how am I supposed to show off the tattoo am to get on my lower back if I can’t wear small tops? No, you have no choice but to exercise. Besides, it is good for your health and all that.

Of course I realize your body was never meant for exercise. You can’t run for five minutes before you start hemming and puffing like you were doing some other suspicious activities. You don’t have long graceful limbs that true athletes are blessed with. Which is why exercise is torture for you.

I know you cannot help it that you have a healthy appetite. It’s in your genes. Even your mother tells you she never had a problem feeding you as a child. While your brothers whined all through their meals, eating supper with eyes closed trying to feign sleep, you cleared your plate like the good girl you are. The only problem is, it took you quite a while and you were often the last one at the table. Of course that has not changed, but it could stem from the fact that nowadays, you are eating as you watch news, read a novel and glance at the newspaper all at the same time.

You remember how last year you held the prestigious title of vice-chairperson of shorin matsubayshi ryu karate club. You kept all those files of members and made announcements, admonishing those who did not keep time. Discipline is important in karate. So you see, that is why I decided to go back to karate. Never mind the sensei (the teacher, he’s a black belt FYI) who flirts with everyone in sight. Provided they are female. And we both know there are very few females on that team.

I know you can hardly take those funny exercises…the splits, the pushups (I caught you staring at your biceps this morning..you amuse me you know. But do you really think they’ll become defined after all those push-ups?).

So yesterday you showed up, sensei was happy to see you. You got lost many times in those steps, sometimes they can seem so complicated. So it reached the part where you partner up, and apply the theory to practical. You definitely suck at this. You probably know the first defense in a situation would be to run away. Failing that, you will cower at a corner covering your head and praying for the best. Let’s just hope you never have to be a in a situation where you will need your karate skills.

Do you remember how your mother reacted when you joined karate? She called it the drug addicts’ club. That the sort of thing Conjestina would do (BTW, what happened to her?). you tried telling her karate is all about the discipline. Self-defense. Drug addicts and alcoholics are not allowed into the club. It’s about meditation and finding a spiritual connection. Was she even listening? She decided to let you do your thing. Am sure she was hoping you’d give up. Well, so long…am not quitting till I get that black belt.

Oh no, don’t go there? Which colored belt are you again…white? Ha ha ha.. (evil laugh) isn’t that the first one? No, actually the white belt is stage1, stage 2, stage 3…and am in stage three (8th kyu.) One more step and I can have a belt of another color. Let’s hope this can be done by the end of the year.

What was I telling myself again? Oh yes, this is it. Tomorrow, you will wake up at six and go jogging. You’ve done it before…I heard you saying that since you sleep late, you’ve been jogging in the evenings instead. What was the other excuse? That tomorrow you are going swimming? Ha, that’s a good one. We both know swimming for you comes once in a while, especially in this cold weather. It’s been sunny of late…but you still have to wake up early.

 So you did not wake up at six, but instead groaned out of bed at 8.30 a.m. on a school day, get serious. Now where is that pic of you swimming last time so you can fool your readers that you went swimming today? We both know you wont be going because it looks like it might rain any minute now.

 

Ah..that picture of you swimming the last time you were there

Ah..that picture of you swimming the last time you were there

 

Song of the moment: Be Somebody – 3 Doors Down

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