Fashion Writer

I settle down comfortably, wriggling in the couch trying to make my niche. Just when I have sighed internally of relief, my mother asks for a glass of water. I patiently fetch the glass and pour the water for her. I then turn to the newspapers for the last week. I flip through the political pages to find any stories that will hold my interest. I find Clay Muganda’s articles with just the right dose of satire that makes them un-put-downable. Just as am getting to the punch line, my mum requests for a book, which is within stretching distance. Patiently, I get up, hand her all books on the study table (so I don’t have to stand again) and return to find the comfortable position quite elusive.

I find Zuqka (Daily Nation) not as interesting as Pulse(The Standard Group), you must admit. The only columns worth reading are Siste’s (not always) and Pub Crawl by Full Pint (almost always). Zuqka’s take on what people are wearing does not bring anything out of the ordinary (try Pulse’s Fashion Police for a change). I look at the featured blog section, who knows, someday this blog may make it there. This Friday, it’s the Diary of a Mad Kenyan Woman.

There was no Saturday newspaper in the house, so am now catching up with the Sunday Nation. I start with Staffroom Diary– this guy makes my Sundays. Then Dr. Dawood’s Surgeon Diary, followed by the Beetle Bailey cartoon, after which I read Dr. Chris Hart’s interesting psychological take and the jokes on the same page (nothing to write home about, the jokes I mean. Sometimes I have already read them on the internet). I flip through Buzz, which is rather flat these days. Ever since KJ entered politics and with it went the ‘head-on-korishon’? page.

I usually read the column Letter from London by Gerry Loughran. It’s a great read. Having done with my regulars, I flip through the whole paper again. That is how I find myself reading this Fashion Column by Carol Odero.

Where does she find such language from? Clearly, if you are going to write a whole piece on the cocktail ring, you have to be a little innovative in coming up with catchy (if ridiculous) phrases.

“A cocktail ring is a bold declaration that says you choose what encircles your finger.” Kwani the other rings are not worn by choice?

“It glares, glints and makes absolutely no apologies while being infinitely fabulous.” What?! She’s on a roll, ladies and gentlemen.

“It’s memorability and appeal lie exclusively in its flamboyance such that you can only wear it on a strong finger.”

I get as far as “…Again, it bears a strong personality by itself and can be said to attract substantial personalities who use it to underscore their savvy…” before I wonder what I am doing reading an over-colourfully phrased article about rings. I can’t take it anymore. I remember last week’s article, and I want to quote something from it.

I open the middle pages of last weeks’ Sunday Nation. My mum has just used it I-don’t-know-for-what, damn! And of all the accumulated newspapers in the house, some from last year even, she just had to take a recent one? Too tired to google to quote the colourful phrases, I’ll just have to wait for next week’s article to see what she writes and if she is for real. To me, the articles are unreadable. What do you mean by, “It’s memorability and appeal lie exclusively in its flamboyance such that you can only wear it on a strong finger.”

Or maybe am the one who needs to upgrade my fashion sense.


4 Responses

  1. Fashion is in a terrible state. An overdose of too much flesh.

    And even worse writers…

  2. LOL! I’m getting too old for this shit. Does her editor ever look at her articles?

    Maybe they are giving her free reign..but still?

  3. LMAO!!! I was thinking the exact same thing when I read that article…

    And have you read the previous ones? Gosh…they can always find another columnist. Maybe I should write to them.

  4. Ha Ha! Thing is they actually do read it in good time. Me thinks I stun them after the first line painted with rainbows. And I did mean that their “memorability and appeal lie exclusively in …” ah forget it. Next time I’ll just ask for a bigger picture.

    Well…if that works for you, then by all means do it.

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