The kaToyo Phenomenon: Part I

First of all, before you read this, go here and vote for this blog.

This is not essentially a new phenomenon. A kaToyo is your regular about-to-but-not-yet-made-it guy. He drives a cheap car (Toyota, most likely) and has an okay-ish job.

a Katoyo guy

The ever resourceful Switcheeks emailed me these two letters that will shed the light. I hope you enjoy it; and get enlightened too. I’m here to offer educainment.

Part One: The Guy’s Letter

ou can’t imagine how anxiously I have been waiting for this moment when I get to tell you as it is. And by some coincidence this delightful point in time has fallen on a cold Sunday morning, the perfect weather and day for a confession.

What attracted me to you was not that short red skirt you had put on the first day I met you, actually I thought you looked tacky. It was the other men, ogling at your butt as you danced that drew my attention to you. At the table I was sitting at that wannabes’ club in Westlands, a guy, drooling,commented what a lucky man he who wins you would be. There and then I decided to be the fortunate man, just to satisfy my ego and make my friends and other men envious. I had a head start since one of your girlfriends was my
buddy’s lover or something of the sort. So when you said you were leaving, having drunk enough courtesy of my friend, he asked me to drop you home. Do you remember how you sat on the front seat of my Toyota Camry, as if the car belonged to us and not me?

That was the start of a long weary six months. The thing I detested most during this period was listening to your never ending problems. Like the time you told me your boss was mad at you because of a typographical error you had made, or the other occasion you claimed the boss was “stressing” you with too much work. Though I held your shoulders and asked you not to worry for that was life, I honestly thought you should have been fired for incompetence.

And was it by coincidence that your birthday fell on the last day of the second month of our relationship? And you chose to tell me about it while we were watching an advertisement of the new phone in the market? Anyhow I got the hint and bought you the phone as a birthday present. There were better ways I could have spent the over eleven thousand shillings it cost me to purchase it. But this was the price I had to pay for bragging rights among my friends and the big prize, which was taking too long to come.Literally.

I did make a mistake by praising your hair and elegant sense of fashion. You capitalized on this to take me to countless exhibition stalls, where knowing very well you didn’t have money with you or was not willing to
spend , you fit all sorts of clothes, calling me to the changing room and asking “ Swiry how do I look? ”. The answer each time was “Great” and immediately after more than a few notes would be emptied from my wallet. I was burning inside but endured since I knew eventually there would be a rapturous reward.

Then there was that other instance when it was raining and I was in Ruaraka.You told me to bring you an umbrella to your workplace at Adams Arcade, supposedly because your hair would lose its glow if it were rained on. Of course I did bring the umbrella, not because I cared about your hair, but since the following day I was to show you off to the boys. Green with envy they, shamelessly, asked me how you performed in bed.

As always I said you were the best, knowing very well for over five months and despite all my goodwill you had never spent a single night at my place or showed me what you wore underneath the clothes I bought you.

But it happened yesterday. Perhaps it’s the new drink recently launched in the market that did the trick. Now that it is over and my ego gratified, I can, without fear, say you are not different from the many girls who have slept on this bed. Let’s call it quits.

In case you didn’t vote the first time, go here and vote for this blog in the Action Category of the first Kenyan blogging contest.


5 Responses

  1. I think I will forward this to a good number of people who have been through this nasty experience! Can I paste this on my blog? Full credit to you of course!!!

  2. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

    Aki nyinyi!

    Can’t wait for part two hehe…

    p.s. eish the ads! WTG!

  3. Lol Part 2 soonest.sasa ma Katoyo wajue what Kenyan women are made of:-)

  4. where’s the love eh? it all came down to the nooky? sad?

  5. is it a problem that my anti spam word is ikea? perhaps i should use it as a safe word.

    now where is part two young lady?

    Have you found part two yet?

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